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I think basically we agree with each other. Using and exploiting children (or adults) is bad, depictions of sex can be done well and can be good.
The reason I feel differently about this particular movie is perhaps because I saw it without knowing anything about the shooting and it felt like a very good take on the story (including the sex scene - the fact they had sex was crucial even in the original play, no matter how it was portrayed at the time). The way Zeffirelli behaved makes me sick though.
Also I don't view the story as being about a toxic codependent relationship, more like being about innocent horny teens betrayed by the power games and complete incompetence of the adults around them. They are really just teenagers trying to navigate their own new needs and feelings, just like it usually is at that age.
My comment about sex positivity was not meant to say all depictions of sex are or should be positive. I wanted to say sex positivity is needed for the society to view sex depictions as something normal, not necessarilly automatically pornographic or straight out taboo.
As for the overall direction the conversation went, well, the post was about the death of an actress and most comments were about her teenage boobs - that's the internet for you.
I appreciate your view of Pretty Baby and Lolita - these are films that are quite hard for me to watch and I agree they're great examples of movies with meaningful sex scenes. I also think many people would call them child porn without thinking twice about it (and they would be very wrong).