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I fucking hate Christmas. (self.casualconversation)

submitted 3 days ago by NineMileTower to c/[email protected]

56 comments fedilink hide all child comments

On December 24th, 2008 I was almost 21 and drinking wine at my Grandma's house with my family. We were having a good time. I don't really talk to that side of the family anymore though. I got a phone call from my best friend, Kyle. I joking let my uncle answer. Kyle asked to talk to me. He sounded angry.

The next few words he said were like a a fucking nuclear bomb that seared my fucking brain for life. He said, "NineMileTower, Steve died (in Iraq). A bridge gave out, his hummer flipped, and he drowned."

That was in 2008. I'm 37 now. I have two beautiful girls and an amazing wife. I think of Steve all the time. I ask myself, "Why do I deserve these amazing kids, wife and life, and he had to die?"

I fucking hate Christmas. I hate the stupid music. I hate fake bullshit decorations. I hate that I'm supposed to pretend that every Christmas it doesn't fucking kill me that he isn't here. I'm here enjoying my kids and their holiday and he's dead.

I fucking hate Christmas.

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[–] [email protected] 93 points 3 days ago (2 children)

Hey man, I’m sorry this is a rough time for you. But maybe you’re looking at Christmas all wrong.

The origin of Christmas wasn’t anything to do with the birth of Christ, but was a way for humans to get through the literal darkest time of the year. This is the moment when the natural world throws all it had against us and takes away one of the things that we require to be happy (sunlight). Society doesn’t do much, if anything, for summer solstice because most people are in a good mood. But we sure as hell do for winter solstice because, before modern society, shit was about to get rough.

I also have to face a lot of loss during this time as well. My mom died on Dec 19th 2020, and my brother overdosed and died 4 days later. Then a year later my dad died on Dec 30th. This time of year is tough for me too. And I also don’t really deserve my amazing wife and kids either. But they sure as hell don’t deserve a sad sack of a father/husband.

Therapy helps a lot with this. It can be hard to find the words to talk about this with the people you love so it can be easier with a third party. Your family deserves you to be there for them and to be legitimately happy.

I hope you find peace and can put the past behind you.

A rando on the internet

[–] NineMileTower 10 points 2 days ago

I'm sorry for your losses and thank you for your kind words.

[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

You are amazing, thank you.