this post was submitted on 13 Nov 2024
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You nailed it. My first girlfriend was black. My mom freaked out because she thought I was going to give her "mixed" grandbabies. I was 10. I've tried over the years, and I've seen improvement, but she's 70 this year and I'm running out of effort. She's going to die miserable and hateful and the world will be better when she's gone.
Brother, is that you?!
Depends. You got two beautiful little kids, a racist homophobe mother and an alcoholic father?
I sort of have the opposite issue. My mother, who has always been very welcoming to my gay friends and my brother's gay friends (the best men at our weddings were both gay and she seemed to be cool with them the entire time) has given me little subtle signals over the years that she doesn't like it that my daughter is queer.
And recently she told me that if my daughter just goes into the closet she's never been in and "obeys the rules" she will be fine. That was before the election. Today she found out that we're taking advantage of my dual citizenship and emigrating to the UK. She's really pissed off about it. She's said some incredibly stupid and offensive things in the emails we had back and forth, not just about living in the UK, but about the U.S.:
This was my favorite part though:
Like... mom, we've been dealing with antisemitism here in Indiana my whole fucking life. The temple got firebombed when I was a kid, remember? Remember Charlottesville and the "Jews will not replace us" chants? All the times antisemitic literature got distributed around town and no one got caught doing it? Fuck, you remember Benjamin Smith who came into town looking for Jews but settled for a poor Korean student?
And what if England turns fascist? Where do you think you're living? What do you think just happened?
I’ve gotta say, as a queer person one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learned was actually from the Jewish community: have a plan to leave before you think you need it. You don’t need to run immediately, but make it so you can when you do need to. Two years ago when I saw the Nazis marching more and more I got a passport just in case and packed a few days of non perishable food in a backpack, it’s not much and the passport has come in handy a few times between having my drivers license stolen and having a surprise international business trip. And the food is a good idea in case of natural disaster. The biggest thing is you don’t want to be waiting in a long line regretting not having done something with little opportunity cost sooner.
I have no idea where she is coming from on this. As a Jewish person she should know better. And not just as a Jewish person, as a Jewish person married to a man who's mother (for some reason) took him along with her to Nazi Germany in the 1930s to get her mother-in-law out by sheer force of will. They had to sew her valuables like jewelry that weren't seized into her coat to get her out with something she could sell.
She knows all this but she still thinks you can just keep your head down and they'll leave you alone.
I think it was around the time of the Lord of the Rings movies, and my grandma had a similar freak out when I mentioned my crush on Elijah Wood. She said, "I don't want any black grandbabies!" She just assumed he was black and that her young grandchild somehow had any chance of making babies with a much older movie star. Joke's on her though, I'm not giving her any grandbabies.
That's rough fam, I'm sorry it's like that for you.
I lost my mom a few years back, she wasn't hateful, just an alcoholic... so I understand the sentiment. My life and my sister's both got a lot easier in a lot of ways. Which ofc I still feel kinda guilty over.
I dunno what I'm saying other than I sympathize 💜
I appreciate it it, but don't sweat it. I moved 3000 miles away for a reason, and my life has been infinitely better since :)
Well that's good to hear :) hope it keeps getting better for you, friend
Mixed babies... Like who the fuck cares? God I hate it so much because it's just DUMB. Like morally and ethically horrible too obviously but it just doesn't logically make sense either. A stagnant gene pool isn't helping anyone Mildred.
I'm sorry you had to deal with that
Rascits?
It's that good ol' southern baptist love, you know.
As a white cis male I've had it and will continue to have it much easier than a lot of other people, just by virtue of genetics. I don't see it as something I've had to deal with, more something that has shown be how to be better than I could have been.
Look, I respect she's your mum but what the fuck.
Im Maori, wife white AF - gets sunburn walking infront of a bright TV level white. If anyone has a problem with our 3 "mixed" kids in front of her, let's just say she will hold nothing back.
I appreciate the sentiment, but you don't need to show her respect. Respect is earned, and she hasn't.
Dont worry, respect was for you.