this post was submitted on 30 Oct 2024
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Advice request: How do I stop venting to people? (self.general)
submitted 2 weeks ago by dingus to c/general
16 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

When I'm frustrated or anxious or upset, I vent to the few friends I have. This is a negative coping mechanism as it damages our relationships. I also experience extreme remorse after doing so, which further perpetuates it because I'm constantly asking to be forgiven.

Earlier this year I tried to see a therapist and ask for advice on this. She dismissed me and said that it's ok to do that and you can't simply keep everything inside.

She was incorrect and was also a shitty therapist for various reasons (she was 15-30 minutes late to each session and just dismissed anything I said).

I'm hopefully trying again with a new therapist soon, but I need advice in the meantime. It is actively damaging my relationships.

"Journaling" is not an option because I can't stop what I'm doing at work to go journal something whenever the need arises.

Thanks all. I can delete on request if needed.

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[–] angrystego 2 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I was once taught a technique for another problem I had. It worked well for me and could be applicable, so I'll share:

I was told to imagine a large heavy box that can be locked. It's helpful to imagine it in detail and make it your own. When a situation comes that would make me have the problem - in your case, something happens that makes you feel like oversharing - put it in the box and lock it.

It's there in the box and you don't have to deal with it right now, it's going to wait for when you have time to deal with it in a healthy way.

Now the important part: find a time in the day when you feel comfortable, just a few peaceful minutes for yourself that you can have regularly every day. Make a coffee, sit down - anything that makes you feel alright.

Every day, in the designated you-time, open the box and take a look inside. Go back to what you've locked in there and evaluate. Now you have time to deal with it. Is it something that needs solving? Is it something that makes you feel certain way? Is it as big of a deal as it was when you locked it in?

Now you have time to really deal with the thing that made you upset. You will be better equipped to deal with it in the designated time when you feel alright and can focus on it. Often (though not always) you'll find the thing shrank or disappeared completely during it's stay in the box.

[–] Electric_Druid 2 points 2 weeks ago

I appreciate this strategy, thanks for sharing.