No Stupid Questions
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There's usually no need to invoke "freedom of speech" when the things you're saying are popular and nobody is offended by it.
But there is also no need to invoke "freedom of speech" if the things you're saying are unpopular and many people are offended by it... unless the government is trying to stop you from expressing those things. If people are asking the bouncer to chuck somebody out of the bar, that person might as well invoke the third amendment against quartering soldiers in their house because that's exactly as irrelevant to the situation as the first.
Firstly, you're assuming an American legal jurisdiction, which is a bad assumption in a global Fediverse.
Secondly, being "legalistic" at all is unwarranted. "Freedom of speech" has broader meaning than just what some specific constitution or some specific set of laws says. If someone is arguing that there should be free speech on an instance then saying that "free speech only applies to government restrictions" is just as relevant as your argument about quartering soldiers or whatever. That is, it's not relevant. Instances can have "free speech" if they want to regardless of if they're governmental, which means we can argue in favor or against them having free speech if we so desire.
There comes a point when something becomes a common utility, and should be treated as such. Like electricity for example. Question becomes, where do you draw the line?