123
How can you make sure the ashes you get after a loved one dies is actually theirs?
(self.nostupidquestions)
this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2024
123 points (94.2% liked)
No Stupid Questions
36116 readers
994 users here now
No such thing. Ask away!
!nostupidquestions is a community dedicated to being helpful and answering each others' questions on various topics.
The rules for posting and commenting, besides the rules defined here for lemmy.world, are as follows:
Rules (interactive)
Rule 1- All posts must be legitimate questions. All post titles must include a question.
All posts must be legitimate questions, and all post titles must include a question. Questions that are joke or trolling questions, memes, song lyrics as title, etc. are not allowed here. See Rule 6 for all exceptions.
Rule 2- Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material.
Your question subject cannot be illegal or NSFW material. You will be warned first, banned second.
Rule 3- Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here.
Do not seek mental, medical and professional help here. Breaking this rule will not get you or your post removed, but it will put you at risk, and possibly in danger.
Rule 4- No self promotion or upvote-farming of any kind.
That's it.
Rule 5- No baiting or sealioning or promoting an agenda.
Questions which, instead of being of an innocuous nature, are specifically intended (based on reports and in the opinion of our crack moderation team) to bait users into ideological wars on charged political topics will be removed and the authors warned - or banned - depending on severity.
Rule 6- Regarding META posts and joke questions.
Provided it is about the community itself, you may post non-question posts using the [META] tag on your post title.
On fridays, you are allowed to post meme and troll questions, on the condition that it's in text format only, and conforms with our other rules. These posts MUST include the [NSQ Friday] tag in their title.
If you post a serious question on friday and are looking only for legitimate answers, then please include the [Serious] tag on your post. Irrelevant replies will then be removed by moderators.
Rule 7- You can't intentionally annoy, mock, or harass other members.
If you intentionally annoy, mock, harass, or discriminate against any individual member, you will be removed.
Likewise, if you are a member, sympathiser or a resemblant of a movement that is known to largely hate, mock, discriminate against, and/or want to take lives of a group of people, and you were provably vocal about your hate, then you will be banned on sight.
Rule 8- All comments should try to stay relevant to their parent content.
Rule 9- Reposts from other platforms are not allowed.
Let everyone have their own content.
Rule 10- Majority of bots aren't allowed to participate here.
Credits
Our breathtaking icon was bestowed upon us by @Cevilia!
The greatest banner of all time: by @TheOneWithTheHair!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Well, you likely can't, since that would require witnessing the entire process. You aren't likely going to be allowed to do that. Afaik, no state in the US allows anyone other than the people running the crematorium to be present, and that have to have various certifications to do the job.
Which is where you can reach as close to certainty as it can get.
You look at the laws and regulations for the state you're in. The states that have stricter requirements are going be essentially certain as long as they've been inspected regularly. Most places just aren't going to risk being shut down or fined just to move a little faster.
The process for certification in some states even specifies, or requires the crematorium to detail, the exact process used to insure the right remains go in the fire, and that all reasonable steps are taken to remove all of the remains before further processing.
The stricter the state, the more certain you can be. Iirc NY is one of the tightest ones, and there's something about the tools used to remove remains having to do the job, and how much is acceptable to be left behind. And, iirc, even the remains that can't be sent out after that have to be cleaned up in a way so as to avoid mixing remains with the next. Maybe it's California that goes that strict? Can't remember exactly, but the process is pretty rigorous.
Other states just specify "all reasonable effort" be used, and don't require the plan for more to ensure no mixing happens.
There's a mortician that does a YouTube channel about funerary issues, Caitlyn Doughty. She's pretty good about explaining things in an accessible but detailed manner. That link is to her video on cremation, but her other stuff is fascinating too.
Fwiw, I looked into all this stuff over a decade ago as research for a book series I was planning. Talked to medical examiners, morticians, and other death related jobs and the people that do them. There are places that cut corners, but even those tend to be reliable enough that what you get is almost entirely your loved one. They just skip some of the cleaning steps, so there's "leftovers" in the crematorium or other workspaces. But it's fairly rare. Most of the people doing the work are aware of not only how important it is to the bereaved, but how much it would cost for them to fuck up. So even the big chains don't cut too many corners.
It was kinda reassuring talking to those folks. They're talking to me off the record, no recordings, no written notes, no names. So they were all pretty open about mistakes happening, and the industry problems. They weren't afraid to tell stories about them fucking up, and that fuck ups weren't as bad as you'd think. We're talking more about some of the remains being unrecoverable, but not all. Stuff like cleaning agents spilling, unexpected problems during the process. But none of it would result in someone getting the wrong remains entirely.
For that to happen, you'd have to have someone intentionally ignoring procedure, ignoring all the verification, and just dumping a body in essentially at random. It's not that it couldn't happen, it's more that it would take more work to cause it than it would to do it right.
I wanna say there was a case of it in Virginia? Might have been North Carolina. But it was small crematory, and they got a lot of bodies in at once, and paperwork got fucked up enough that the guy telling the story wasn't ever able to sort things out and be certain everyone got the right remains. He was relatively confident it got sorted out, but not 100%.
And rumors do get told about things going wrong after big disasters just because workers are overwhelmed. But they're rumors, and it was always "I heard from this guy I met at a conference" kind of stories.
I intend to be cremated. I consider the risk of errors to be so marginal as to be irrelevant. Mind you, I don't care for my own sake at all. Idgaf what happens to my corpse. Feed it to the birds, stuff it and mount out, whatever. But cremation is cheaper than other options, and I'm not willing to jump through the hoops to donate my body to anything.