this post was submitted on 18 Sep 2024
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I have a handful of token memories going back to when I was one or two. But kindergarten and school are just blank voids. It took me up to when I was about 30 to realize I did not have a happy childhood.
I had a fine childhood. Nothing I would consider abnormal in a traumatic or negative sense, and the fidelity of my memories have always been limited. Some brains just aren't designed to hold onto the past ... which is quite comical because I the things I do remember, I remember strongly; even when they're essentially irrelevant. Oh well.
I have memories of my parents telling their memories describing pretty heavy neglect when I was 0-3. I have a lot of vivid memories of abuse beyond that point, and it's like therapy and education just bring up more. I dunno what else to do with my life but obsess over how to help prevent it for future generations however possible
My elementary school had two kindergarten teachers with the same last name, my only memory of kindergarten is roll call on the first day when the teacher told me I was in the wrong room and I had to walk out with the other kids chuckling. Seems like our brains hold on to only the strongest emotional moments be they good or bad.