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Dating in the modern world (self.casualconversation)

submitted 4 months ago by Modva to c/[email protected]

39 comments fedilink hide all child comments

People keep telling me that dating today is a war zone, facing all kinds of challenges.

Dating apps don't seem to be directly trying to help solve the problem as much as generate revenue. In fact, they are very directly motivated to not make great long term matches.

Some people seem think that just getting out there and hoping for the best is the answer. Maybe that's true, but it's still very random. I was wondering about a hypothetical alternative:

What if you could go to an agency of some kind get rated through a thorough evaluation process? Would that be helpful ? It's not perfect, and many things are hard to measure. But maybe it's a less random starting point and can escape the exclusively money driven approach of dating apps.

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

So I guess I deserve to be alone for that according to you?

I don't think I've said that and I'm sorry if that's how it came across.

I don't think anyone deserves loneliness, but no one deserves companionship either. "Deserving" just has nothing to do with human partnerships.
No matter what we do, neither of us is ever entitled to anyone's time, let alone their companionship. Potential partners are human beings like any of us and not something you can just get from a transaction or fulfilling a list of checkboxes.

The first step is someone else wanting to spend some of their time with us instead of literally anything else they could be doing.
Something fun didn't need to be fancy, in my case I volunteered to supervise a field trip.
While I did have fun doing it, it's also kinda like work.
I was doing my thing, met some people, made a friend or two and was later introduced to someone else who later happened to become my partner.
I obviously don't deserve my partner for doing whatever led to this chain of events, but it would never have happened if I didn't.