me_irl

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me_irl (lemmy.world)

submitted 4 months ago by zedgeist to c/me_irl

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[–] zerozaku 6 points 4 months ago (2 children)

Visit a 'third space' at a consistent time weekly, e.g. coffee shop, bar, library, gym (note: the point is not to practice pickup lines, it's to get used to being around people. If you go regularly, you'll start to feel comfortable with the other regulars)

Level 1: Go outside Level 2: Go outside regularly Level 3: Respond to interactions Level 4: Initiate interactions Level 5: Make friends

I wish I could get to Level 2 at least.

[–] thesporkeffect 3 points 4 months ago

No one's brain works the same so it's pretty hard to suggest boilerplate workarounds, but maybe you can spend money to join something and then feel obligated to go. The hardest part is just wanting to change enough that it overrides the agoraphobia IMO

[–] peopleproblems 1 points 4 months ago (3 children)

Ok so presume I am doing level 2, how do I get interactions to respond to

[–] zerozaku 3 points 4 months ago (2 children)

I think they happen naturally if you are visiting same place weekly at the same time. The waiter/cashier/or anyone who is regular to that coffee shop would try to initiate some interaction with you.

[–] peopleproblems 3 points 4 months ago

You have given me an idea! Thank uou

[–] [email protected] 2 points 4 months ago

This is a good idea. Also if you find an employee that is nice. Tell them the truth. You are trying to work on socializing. You’d be surprised a lot of people really are happy to help you if you ask for help 💜

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I’ve found when I’m feeling comfortable in public I notice other people’s belongings and can relate it to why I might want to interact with them.

Like if at the store I see someone with a band T-shirt I like I’ll try to just mention to them I’m a big fan and like their shirt. Is it gonna crate a friendship? Who the fuck knows. But I spoke to a stranger. And it wasn’t weird it felt friendly and nice 😊

[–] peopleproblems 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Actually the one time I spoke to a girl in the past 6 months was about her BMW. We actually had a good short conversation. What was funny is that when I asked her "hey, is that your BMW?" Because I didn't see her get out of it - her response was "Yes, why?!?!" In a bit of a panic. So even bumpy landings work.

Thanks for that bit.

Maybe I'll go to a local coffee place and just order my white chocolate mocha, and do it enough to say things to people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

Yes! People might respond with initial anxiety and fear. Simply due to surprise. But I’ve found smiling and calm tone can help transfer that into a normal exchange rather than me freaking out internally this person now thinks I’m a rapist/murder cause I said hello 😆

[–] [email protected] 1 points 4 months ago

I had to practice saying good morning to people.