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I think this is a uniquely American experience tbh. In Canada people have no problem being asked their background and I'm sure the same could be said in other countries.
To your point, race in America has been intentionally weaponized.
One of my professors said something that always stuck with me.
Canada is a mosaic. America is a meting pot.
(Yes I know he didn't coin the phrase). But he was the first who sort of explained it in a way that I truly understood.
In a multicultural America, you're American first, ethnicity second. The impetus is to conform with the dominant culture and pretty much just keep your ethnic culture in your own home and own small communities.
Here in Canada, we are a mosaic. Every culture contributes the best (and worst) parts of their culture/heritage to the whole. There is no "Canadian" default culture. Its just a blend of everyone who comes to live here. **
**offer not valid in Saskatchewan, Alberta and Manitoba.
Read John Rolston-Saul. He's been very thorough explaining this. He puts a lot of it on the history of our country. Unlike America, Canada is a network of lakes and rivers. You can't just ride a horse from A to B you will need to Portage. This meant the early settlers had no choice but to work with the indigenous peoples on the land as it was so foreign to the lands in Europe or America.
I have, actually. Mostly on the advice of that very same professor. (and also to impress a girl that was into that kind of thing)
I'd be lying if I said I understood most of Voltaire's Bastards (I'm intelligent, but not THAT intelligent). But that was nearly 30 years ago now, so maybe I'd understand it more now that I'm older and more educated.