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JD is about to invoke the right of prima nocta on every couch in every living room across America.
I’ve had it up to here with people saying JD Vance had sex with a couch. How many times do I have to say there’s no evidence JD Vance had sex with a couch before people stop saying JD Vance had sex with a couch? Liberals must be pretty desperate to make up that JD Vance had sex with a couch. The story that on March 17, 2011 JD Vance was banned from a Cleveland area IKEA after so thoroughly deflowering a KIVIK Sofa Chaise that it had to be removed as a biohazard due to the various fluids in and around it, causing the night manager to not only quit but need intensive therapy is beyond the pale. Who would believe this? There is sworn. court. testimony. that JD Vance has not made bare skin contact with a couch within the past 5 years. That’s a fact. Look it up. The idea that this is because JD Vance cannot contain his overwhelming sexual urges in the presence of soft furniture is reckless conjecture. Calling JD Vance a couchfucker is slander and you need to take it back.
The Left™ will do anything to avoid talking about the real issues in this campaign, like the fact that Kamala Harris laughs sometimes.
Wait. So did he actually fuck a couch for real? Pretty sure the other one fucked/molested his daughter. I wouldn't be surprised, I'm just genuinely curious, keep seeing this and am not sure where it comes from.
It is a made up "fact" by someone on twitter: that JD Vance wrote about fucking a couch in his book, Hillbilly Elegy. Some people retweeted it without checking the sources, and it just continued on from there.
Source is knowyourmeme lol: https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/jd-vance-couch-cushion-story-hoax
Ahh. Thank you! I like it. It's like Santorum: the frothy mixture of lubricant and fecal material formed on the base of the penis during anal sex between men.