Apologies if this is the wrong place to post this. I'll delete if so. It's also rather long. But I'm not sure how to figure out where to go from here.
There are two components to the above.
- I am bad at my job.
I am a bit too slow and am objectively the weakest link of my group of coworkers. No one has told me this, but I know it to be true. Often we will be behind with the workload and I know it's most likely because of me. It impacts others and it makes it so people have to work extra hours on the weekend. This hurts people.
To help make up for this, I sometimes do extra work off the clock to help my coworkers. But I still feel bad about it.
I don't want to switch careers. I make very good money at my job and don't have any other skills. I have been doing this for several years now and cannot see myself improving any further at this point.
We are working on getting an additional employee which should help the workload. However, I will always be the weakest link and it feels bad.
- I complain/vent too much .
This isn't acceptable, as it hurts other people. Most human beings have empathy. When I do this to people, I can tell that it makes them feel bad. And many people already have enough to worry about in their lives. What right do I have to hurt other people by making them feel bad for me?
This one at least I can work on improving. I need to be able to learn to shut my mouth and stop talking to people in these scenarios. It's wrong to vent to others. It hurts them. You're not supposed to do that. You're not supposed to express yourself that way to others. You're supposed to keep sadness and frustration inside.
But I have learned to shut my mouth in other scenarios, so there's some hope I can learn with this one. It's really hard because I don't stop and think until after I've done it.
How do I go about dealing with this sort of thing? Thanks if you've taken the time to get this far. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend.
My supervisor is kind of a bitch to everyone sometimes for no apparent reason tbh and so I just try to stay out of her way. I'm definitely not going to go out of my way to ask her for "pointers". She has a tendency to do that to people anyway, even if the things she points out to others aren't even necessarily helpful.
I mean, I show up to work every day and stay for the duration of my shift. I don't take excessively long breaks and am basically at my workstation all day. So no one has any complaints about me.
But objectively I see it. It's a speed issue, which is not something I am able to get any faster at after doing this for years and years. It's not impostor syndrome, it's objective truth. For example, it might take someone 1.5 hours to do a particular task and for me it might take 2.5 hours to do it.