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I think one reason the [IM|microblogging|forum|other communication style] is not yet fully decentralized, but email is, is because:
The lesson from USENET is rather instructive. Like email, it is defederated, had a standard protocol, and long predated Eternal September. Unlike email, there is no clearcut business use-case, and even though both systems suffered massive amounts of problems of spam and porn, there was no clear (financial) incentive to deal with spam on USENET, other than leaving it up to the end user to use kill files and so on.
I think IM could be solved much like email, like you say. There is obviously a good business case for it (companies spend untold amounts on things like Slack). When it comes to things that are social media-ish, I think it's more complicated, as you point out, and probably why it remains in the state that it is.
Thanks for the insight, and appreciate new terms to search. I've somehow never heard of Eternal September even though I was there lol.
Sure thing!