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Why is it that I fail when learning new hobbies/ things with groups? (self.casualconversation)

submitted 5 months ago by Grogon to c/[email protected]

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I don't have many examples, but to bring one or two up one was my scuba diving course in Thailand.

The dive instructor showed everything and we copied him in a pool. And everytime we had to do all the things I just looked bad.

Another example was climbing. They show how to tie the knot to harness, everyone successfully manages to tie the knot and I am standing their like an idi**.

The thing is what I observed is that if I have time to do things on my own and no pressure I seem to do "okay" and once I can do it I do it blind.

Anyone else experience this? What can I do? I am at a point I am afraid to learn new things because of failing infront of others.

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[–] Cris_Color 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Sounds a like a combination of fear of failure and anxiety around social settings. Failure should be, and usually is, a part of learning, which is something I'm working on internalizing for myself 😅 but it sounds like you're also putting a lot of pressure on yourself not to make any mistakes, which is unrealistic and also sets you up for immediate failure if you get into your own head about it.

Generally the answer to any fear related issues is exposure. If that idea is horrifying then its especially important, and you'll need to start small. But letting yourself experience the source of fear enough times for your anxiety to go up, observe the way it comes back down and that you're okay, and you start to feel safer in that kind of experience

But if you do too much at once you'll often make the problem worse. If you've got good friends you can ask, maybe share what you're having a hard time with, and see if y'all can learn origami together or something with people you consider safe. Feel out the anxiety, and when you fail, notice that you're stjll okay :)

Investigating fear of failure and exposure therapy online may yeild helpful that really helps with perspective and practical approaches to dealing with what you're facing

Sending love and hugs, thats a crap experience