this post was submitted on 30 May 2024
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So I might've fucked up last night. There's a reoccurring theme of me just making the dumbest freaking mistakes these last couple of weeks, i dunno whats wrong with me. I'll throw in a NSFW and spoiler for the mistake part. Heads up dont read this one at work.
So the mrs and I had a bit of a heart to heart last night, kiddo went down early enough that we weren't both too stuffed to talk. i had a bit of a breakdown, said some tough stuff that was hard to say she gave me a big hug, after a few minute I told her we had to stop cause I knew what was gonna happen (not that I didn't want to, just didn't wanna cheapen the moment with the pants off dance, ya know). Anyway, this next part is super graphic. I'll tidy up the language as much as possible but feel free to skip.
NSFW spoiler here
She says she doesn't mind. So we go to bed. I.... uhhh, "suit up for the occasion" as is required at the moment. We get going, and I express my dissatisfaction with the "armour" I was "wearing" . She says I dont have to if I dont want to. I say "are you sure? isnt there a risk?" She says "I'm not worried". so knowing full well it was a mistake, but not having the blood to operate my brain properly... I take it off.And this is where I cant help but feel a bit... baited? I dunno. Let me clear it takes 2 to tango, I'm the one that took "it" off. Its 100% on me. But she did EVERY trick in the book to make sure I "arrived". It felt like it was a competition to make sure the finale happened. Ultimately, I... uhhh, "deployed the troops elsewhere", at least 99% sure I did in time. Given we needed IVF the first time I'm not SUPER worried. It was great to reconnect, been a while since that happened, but its left me with more questions that answers.
Was she actually trying to make sure i "deployed the expeditionary forces in the target country"? Why now? Why do we suddenly not care now? Was I getting used? Or was she trying to reconnect like i was? Why the F did I take the risk? Am I really not that smart? or just super into potentially self sabotaging? Is this all actually a big deal? or is my anxiety just taking me for a fucking ride?
EDIT: Maybe this would have been more appropriate on a Relationship advice sub, apologies.
Should the troops be successful in their mission, there are techniques available to remove the occupying force and any potential puppet they installed in power.
Just saying.
LOL, thank you I needed a laugh! After 2.5 years of IVF and $30k spent on the first, I'd say if I accidentally invaded a country then its gonna be flying my flag for the next 9 months like it or not.
Hey, I get it. Totally do. Just wanted to point out that in a currently stressful environment, a new regime may not be in the best interest of the parties. All the best in whatever happens regardless 😁
yeah, that'd... that'd be where I stand at the moment. Trouble is I think my say in the situation ended when the troops were deployed.
I think you're over thinking this. She probably just wanted you to be aroused therefore she's aroused because skin on skin contact with the one you love is arousing.
When you start to think your partner has ulterior motives then that's something you really need to work on together or let go of those thoughts.
Also when your partner says "I don't really like putting the rain coat on" it's kind of a turn off. Tough. We don't really want to feel it either but it is what it is.
Yeah, I think maybe my anxiety is taking me for a ride.
I feel like I should clarify so I don't sound like a total asshole here: the rain coat was my idea. the REQUIREMENT was my idea. I was happy to take responsibility cause it left us in a position to start trying when we decided to. Originally the plan to start trying soon. I'm happy to take responsibility for cleaning up my mess so to speak, and I'll be more than happy to go get the snip the second we decide we're done. It was certainly not a "I hate this and wish you didn't force me into it". More a tongue in cheek "Why did I think this was a good idea?". hence the surprise when she said "well, dont then!"
I don't think you're an arsehole. These are decisions that couples have to make through out their relationship. It doesn't matter whose idea it was, if that's what was decided then you need to stick to it.
Yeah I agree with CEO here. Don't forget that both partners are equally likely to get carried away in the moment, seek more intimacy and closeness and make the same dumb mistakes. If there's no history of manipulation then I would err on the side of thinking you both just made the same in-the-moment call. Breathe. Its ok. There's a lot of big emotions and tiredness over there.
That's why it's important to make decisions outside of the bedroom and stick to them.
Discussion of contraception
She may not have intended anything sus by it, it may have been a conciliatory gesture. But I understand the concern during a rough patch. It might put your mind at ease to actively prevent any surprises until you know what the plan is.I guess continue using a barrier method from here on in and note that you are still within the 72 hour window for her to take Plan B. If taken within 24 hours it's even more effective. Hit up the chemist asap.
If you want to be doubly sure in future there are long acting reversible contraceptives for women such as Depo Provera injections or Implanon. But if you don't want to ask her to do this or want to be completely sure that a procedure has actually been carried out - then the patent for Vasalgel (reversible alternative to vasectomy) has been bought and is projected to be available in 2026 under the name Plan A.
Yeah I hope so. I cant believe she is the type to be that manipulative. I honestly have a hard time believe ANYONE could do that to another person. Sure, you hear stories, but Ive never heard of it happening to someone I know.
I might talk to her tonight and just get a clearer picture of her expectations re having another kid. I'm pretty sure she'll say "lets weather the current storm and see where things land" and that'll put my mind at ease.
I did see that injectable contraception for dudes. I didnt know it was so close!
Ohh! I thought Vasalgal had been dropped by corporate fucknuckles! This is fantastic news! More options for everyone 😺
Same, I actively checked for the purpose of making that post.
Now adapt it for use by everybody, and (with parental permission and/or an opt-in scheme) make it available for free in schools the same as the Gardasil vaccination. That would save a lot of hassle and keep a lot of young lives on track.
That would be amazing. Zero “accidents”. Only deliberate decisions by two genetic parents. Bonus if family can be legally more than those two if desired.
Many will yell eugenics if you need to get birth control turned off. Frankly, I don’t care.
I look at it as a safety feature, allowing young bodies to mature before the strain of reproducing (being quite young = higher risk pregnancies) and young minds to mature before a life altering event. It doesn't carry the health risks of other long acting contraceptives, ie. the effects of long term Depo Provera on bone density.
Also there's the whole opt-in aspect of voluntarily signing up for it - it's explicitly by choice. Having it reversed should also be free.
Also there should still be supports to finish education, get housing and secure jobs/pensions even if there were unplanned pregnancies. Allowing young or single parents to struggle and kids to grow up in poverty/unstable situations is inhumane and just creates future problems.
I agree with pretty much everything you say, while admitting there is a potential for abusive denial.
Personally never broke a bone until over 30. Can long term Depo be blamed for that change? Dunno. Surgically fixed now so hormonal funkiness is all ‘natural’
Abusive denial like parents not giving permission? Yeah. Unfortunately with all the push around 'parents rights' I can't see kids being automatically allowed to do this without parental permission. I think there may be permissions for minors to seek existing reproductive care without parents being notified but I'd have to double check.
It could also be abusive by being forced on disabled or young people by guardians/the government but that's already been happening for a long time with other methods.
yes, it's the greatest intimacy of all
Oh hon. That was totally not ok. I can’t see any way it wasn’t intentionally manipulative. Why you took the bait is a question, but why she posed the trap is bigger.
You reckon? I’m not sure if that is the case or if I’m just over thinking it.
Um yeah. Feels totally manipulative to me. For massively oversharing context: I’ll set traps but after long discussions about boundaries first. It’s a BDSM thing. Consent REALLY matters if you’re fucking with somebodies brain patterns.
I mean, if we’re over sharing I’ll be more specific with the concern:
nsfw
it’s not like she leg locked and said “cum in me”. It was more just… well there’s no polite way to say it: all the stuff she knows I love, which would yeah also make things finish faster than not.
Question is she doing that cause it’s been a while and we’re reconnecting? Or is she doing cause she’s trying to make it harder to resist finishing inside?
Impossible to say, and certainly not a question I can find a good way to ask.
Like I said in today’s DT: the plan I came up with was the best I could figure, and she had no objection to a condom since so I assume she’s NOT trying to get pregnant.