fluke

As an adult who has very, very recently come to realise that they're very likely autistic, this really hit me hard.

I constantly thought about whether I do love or even can. Because most of the time I just felt nothing. I knew I wanted to be with my partner, but I could never understand why because I rarely felt anything. I'd cling to the rare moments where I would feel it and constantly remind myself of that when it got hard.

There had to be a reason why I physically couldn't leave despite all the times we would have a huge row and she'd knee jerk and tell me (it was obviously not something she meant, but that's not how people like us think).

My emotions are generally on or off. And normally they're just off.

But reading this has helped me understand how I show my love and it's such a wave of relief to know that I do actually love, and care. It was such an intensely overwhelming wave that saw me start sobbing my eyes out. A 32 year old man.

My son and partner, for example l, are the only two people I frequently 'info dump' on. When we do that parallel play thing I feel so comfortable and relaxed. I worry sometimes if my partner feels awkward that I'm ignoring her or whatever, but I just don't.

I realised that my nagging at her to do simple things for herself isnt 'nagging' but me expressing my feelings.

And the amount of times I hold back on wanting to penguin pebble when I see something because I think she'll find it stupid or I can't afford it is fairly common.

Although all that said, I dunno about the pressure thing. I've never really liked it, but I do know that when I'm shutting down or in a meltdown or having sleep paralysis I'm desperate for a hug/squeeze. So I guess it's probably related.

No, no. It's millennial's fault for not buying the right stuff.

In the same vein, 'long weekend' is another that can drop dead as well.

To the point where I've started calling a 'normal' weekend a 'short weekend'.

About 2 weeks ago I saw something that made it twig for myself. It was a random Orion Kelly video about the biggest signs of autism in adults and I found myself stunned that I hit every point but one.

Initially I was like you. Confused on how to feel. 'Autism' for me has always been a loaded word and came with particular connotations.

But this last week, especially, has certainly softened those feelings. I'm still not happy with applying the word to myself. It feels awkward and an excuse, and coming from 32 years of being fearsomely independent (probably because I'm on the spectrum) and a strong believer in people being in control and responsible of their own actions it's still a tough pill.

Overall I think ruminating has been good for me. Keep researching it, reading/listening to other autistic people's stories and experiences and start making a list of the traits that you identify with. It's helped me have something that I can share with my partner, and it's helped me realise things like what my stims are etc.

How's that going for them?

An act of war is only such if the other side recognises it as such.

So if Mexico decide to see this has an isolated incident that can sorted out with some phone calls and hand wringing then it 'quite literally' isn't.

And of course that's what going to happen. To the point where it's not even worth mentioning that war will happen. In short, a rediculous comment.

This didn't happen before their sons, brothers, fathers, friends, boyfriends and husbands starting coming back missing body parts, with PTSD, dead or not even at all.

Then suddenly explosives started falling out the sky on your doorstep after the above started happening and Ukrainian flags started randomly popping up places.

I know it won't convince all, propaganda is strong with the uneducated and those the regime directly made. But there are plenty who aren't thick or have any particular loyalty to Putin.

Is that it?

Honest at this point I wouldn't even blink if Prigozhin popped up in the future to tell us they faked their deaths.

To be clear, I believe that he's dead (and that it was probably an assassination by Putin), but so many other outrageous things have happened already little surprises me.

Same could have been said for their day trip. And that saw several helicopters and a couple of fixed wing aircraft getting knocked out the sky.

'SUV' are big cars. Most are pushing 2 tonnes or more, so will naturally wear brakes out faster. That goes for all unsprung components such as tyres, bushings, and all the other wear items in the suspension.

Some cars are notorious for being under braked for their size, especially 'SUVs' that share platforms with standard sized counterparts so that contributes to it as well.

That said, brakes shouldn't judder/shake under braking during normal operation, even when worn. Juddering is due to something either not being right or very, very heavily and dangerously worn brakes. It may be warped disks/rotors (from cooking them due to overuse), pitting (if the car hasn't been driven much) or something else. The squeaking can be anything from debris caught between the pad and disk, a hard point on the pad or the wear indicator (called a squealer). The former 2 generally clear themselves out.

Without knowing how and where you drive or perhaps even the car itself it's difficult to say where the problem lies. A set of pads and disks can easily last 10s of 1000s of miles. But it depends on many factors.

When I first saw this picture that's what came to mind. That's a modern classic and really clean example of one.

Of course that doesn't excuse the parking, but you have to respect passion that put the vehicle there.