anonymouse

Wie man sieht, leider noch recht wenig los in den meisten communities. Auf den großen geht schon einiges weiter, die kleinen werden wohl erst mit der Zeit mehr traffic bekommen. Ist ja auch alles noch vergleichsweise recht jung. Ist aber spannend dem ganzen beim Wachsen zuzusehen.

Reddit Ersatz ist es noch keines, aber zumindest ein Trostpflaster.

Hab mit reddit-blackout gewechselt, bin jetzt also schon ein paar Tage hier. Man findet sich schon schnell zu recht. Hat sich in den letzten Tagen auch schon einiges verändert bzw. ist jeden Tag mehr los.

Für das beste Erlebnis kann ich jetzt keine genauen Vorschläge bieten. Ich hab Jerbora als App ausprobiert, das crasht jetzt aber seit dem neuesten Update. Benutze jetzt wefwef und bin recht happy.

Ich versuche mehr zu interagieren und kein reiner Lurker mehr zu sein.

Generell find ichs sehr interessant wie sich das ganze hier in nur zwei Wochen entwickelt hat.

And I interpreted the comic about a situation/action that hurt person A without the intention of person B. Like genuinely nothing that hurts most people and person B couldn't have known that their action was offensive/hurtful to person A. How would you like to be apologized to in that situation? "I'm sorry I hurt you" would probably be the answer for most people. But for me "I'm sorry" goes hand in hand with changing your actions in the future. You can't change something you don't know. You can say that you're sorry, but you can't guarantee that you won't hurt the person with another action again. Therefore the only thing you can apologize for is the action itself and as I said I interpeted that the action was harmless/not offensive for most people. Therefore apologizing for doing the action seems unfair to me. It wasn't your intention to hurt the other person and you'll refrain from doing the action again in the vicinity of person A.

If I interpret the comic your way I don't see how being pushed/forced to say "I'm sorry" would mean anything. If the person has bigoted views, therefore says something bigoted and you rightfully tell them that hurt you but they don't see what they did wrong, you demanding to be apologized to won't change their view. I'd even say that saying "I'm sorry" is used as an manipulation tactic since it's often used as a get-out-of-jail-free card. If you don't change your actions "I'm sorry" doesn't mean anything. And if you have to be forced to say I'm sorry (and therefore don't seem to see something wrong in your actions) it's the same as saying nothing at all.

But isn't that the point? They don't think that they did something wrong. They didn't intend to hurt you with their action, which they try to convey to you, but they don't think that their action was wrong in principle. Like baking an apple pie for a group where someone is allergic to apples and they didn't know that or simply just forgot. The action of baking a pie is not something to apologize for even if someone felt left out because they couln't eat it and therefore were hurt.

edit (sent the answer too fast)

and they insist that you don’t feel the way you are feeling

okay, I'd say that that is another problem than not wanting for apologizing for one's actions.

It’s that I feel a certain way, and they want me to feel differently without apologizing for it.

I don't think that most people want the other person to feel differently but to make them understand that they didn't hurt them on purpose (that's why they empathize the 'but I didn't mean to') but then they get defensive when they are asked to apologize because to them that means that the offended person thinks that they did do it on purpose, that they did it to spite/hurt them. Like unknowingly bringing up a sensitive topic during a conversation. They don't want to apologize that they spoke about this topic because they don't think that it's a inherently 'wrong' topic to talk about. They do, however, want to convey that they didn't know that this is a sensitive topic to you and they wouldn't have brought it up if they'd known better. At least that's the way I see it if I'm in the position of a neutral observer in this kind of situation.

If your counterpart is actively trying to manipulating you that's different of course but I didn't interpret the comic from that point of view.

Exactly. I'd interpret "I'm sorry you feel this way" passive-aggressive as well and that's the reason I wouldn't want to push someone to apologize to me if they don't want to. How do THEY get to apologize for MY feelings?

I guess it's just a difficult situation to be in. I think it is okay if you do something another person doesn't like/hurts them but not apologize for it. You didn't know it better. If they tell you that they were hurt by your action then acknowledge it ("It wasn't my intention. I won't do it again.") AND DON'T DO IT AGAIN (if it's a reasonable request and/or you know the person)! Simple as that. People don't HAVE TO apologize for their actions especially if it's something that isn't offensive to most people and they couldn't have known someone else doesn't like it. Of course it would be nice to hear "I'm sorry I hurt you" or something along those lines too, but I also understand that they don't want to apologize if they don't see a problem in the act itself. But If they still proceed to do the action then I'd be pissed (again if it's a reasonable request).

What would it help if they apologize if they don't mean it/see what they did wrong? If it wasn't person As intention to hurt person B, but B insists that person A apologizes, it would result in A apologizing for Bs feelings aka "I'm sorry you feel this way". I don't think that that's better.