ameliorability

joined 2 years ago
[–] ameliorability 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

It's been so long man. But damn I had to struggle, and I am at a better place now. Still a student, but I have grown a lot. Bless you for helping me at a vulnerable time. It still hurts sometime, but I know I have made a lot of progress in positive things.

[–] ameliorability 1 points 1 year ago

Thanks. I'm feeling much better now but will still reply. I tried not to do those things as I was in a dark place and now have to channel my thoughts in a more productive way.. now focusing on family and development more, kind of forcing it. And it helped me a lot though it's far from a perfect journey. Try reading my other comment replies!

[–] ameliorability 2 points 1 year ago

Thank you for the help brother. I recently had a short dream of her where she tried to be lovey dovey to me but I didn't show love, it's kinda weird but I think that says something lol. Also focusing on family:)

[–] ameliorability 1 points 1 year ago

That's kind of how I felt; her reaction made it obvious that she was hiding it. It's especially hard to feel okay because I was raised to highly respect and value women and I started blaming myself more than I should have. Thank you brother. I have cut her off and feel better.

[–] ameliorability 1 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Thank you for the advice brother. I created as much distance i could, and used to think of contacting her again, but forced myself to stick to my decision. It feels like that part of my brain that once used to pulse with love is now turned off. Although I hadn't felt love in a long time in my relationship either. I focused on myself and did professional and personal development. I'm sure I am on the right path right now!

[–] ameliorability 1 points 2 years ago

Thanks, it was hard to get every trace of her away from my phone, she had sent me 1700 pics. Gotta be more strict in the future.

[–] ameliorability 3 points 2 years ago

Thank you. She used the friends card after I found out about her bf, only had mentioned being friends once without explanation many months prior. But I didn't think she'd be sending pics ot her behind to a friend, tbh.

[–] ameliorability 4 points 2 years ago

she said "as a friend" only once, and dropped went back to calling me intimate names and sending intimate pics

[–] ameliorability 1 points 2 years ago

Although I won't do LDR again, we had a genuine connection!

[–] ameliorability 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thanks man! I know time will heal, but here I got some great input from other people like you about my relationship and life in general. I'm trying to take this "ending" in the most productive way possible. I'm over the emotional part but my post helped me learn what I did and didn't do wrong!

[–] ameliorability 1 points 2 years ago

love doesn't make sense <3

[–] ameliorability 1 points 2 years ago

Thank you. I agree, but at the same time I believe I could have received some clarification instead of her blaming her absence on depression. With her arbitrarily jumping from sending sexual pics to saying we were friends, perhaps I stayed too silent lol. Didn't place a clear boundary based on the "phase" she was going through, and I was too stupid to not clarify.

18
submitted 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) by ameliorability to c/relationship_advice
 

Hello to my friends from Lemmy, the title may be misleading to some.

Long story short, I was in a relationship for a bit over 2 years and I broke up with her recently. I blocked her everywhere, and initially struggled with not thinking about her and our relationship all the time, but now I find it hard to think. Although I have coped and detached very well, it seems that I have nothing to think of, and if I'm not spending my time on entertainment or studying (e.g. in the car) I resort to thinking about my relationship again. It's been making me really unproductive and I'm not even sure what I was like when I was single.

It's not that I am obsessed with "her" or feeling anything, but I can't focus on nothing - it seems that my mental resources keep running and forcing me to concentrate on something. But I don't want to think of "her" again. The past few days I often thought of "her" sexually romantically or as physically present, but now I often stress about the relationship itself and question all the decisions I may have made in the relationship. I mean I've considered actions and things that happened in my relationship in a productive way but I keep on going back to thinking of those things again (which isn't helpful at all).

Does anyone have advice on how I can sit and focus productively or even neutrally, instead of trying to rethink and overthink a relationship that I've already thought of.

Edit: if you want further info about the relationship itself, https://lemmy.world/post/727078

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