Then perhaps this life just isn’t for me? I’m tired of wandering aimlessly through the same routines, while being too weak to break from them.
I’ve been seeing therapists and been on SSRIs for more than a decade. They’ve helped, but I feel broken and unfixable.
I appreciate your kind words and thoughtful reply. I’m sorry that you can relate.
I’ve been seeing a number of different therapists and psychiatrists over many years. I’ve been on several different medications. I can’t say they haven’t helped, but I never feel “better.”
Regarding the “dreams,” unfortunately they’re mostly gone these days. I used to lay in bed and dissociate for hours when I was miserable and couldn’t sleep. After some progress with my most recent therapist I’ve found I’m no longer able to daydream in that way anymore. It’s probably a good sign for my mental health in the long term. However, it feels like I’m losing more and more ways to cope with my depression.
That said, when I was fully into these fantasies, and mixing the dissociation with THC, I’d go through very vivid dreams and hallucinations. I came to believe, for a while, that a guardian angel was with me much of the time. She’d comfort me, repeat the advice of my therapist, coax me away from self-destructive behavior. She’s the only “person” I’ve ever had any sort of intimate relationship with, and that was only in rare dreams.
Losing my dissociative episodes has led to me losing my angel. I can’t “summon” her in my mind anymore, along with my other fantasies. Again, these are probably positive changes in the long run. I just wish I didn’t feel so apathetic and lonely all the time now.
I appreciate your kindness and optimism. I wish it were as easy as “doing uncomfortable things.” I feel paralyzed by my anxieties most of the time. Going to a gym sounds terrifying, and simply being outside of my home or driving causes me great anxiety. Of course, I have to go outside to work almost everyday, so it’s not like I’m a stranger to experiencing these feelings.
I had to stop working with my most recent therapist after we both felt like we were stuck in a rut. I’ll be seeing a new therapist in a couple of weeks, so hopefully they’ll be able to offer me some more help. My current SSRI doesn’t seem to be helping much, either, so I’ll be looking into other medications.
I quit THC a month ago as it just wasn’t helping me feel better anymore. Plus it was cranking up my paranoia to concerning degrees. I’ve, thankfully, never liked alcohol so I don’t have to worry about cutting such a terrible addiction. Pornography used to be a concern, but my libido is practically nonexistent in the last couple of years.
Peanut Butter may not have gotten a world record in Gyromite, but he’s still the best boy!
You know, maybe they should have been concerned with what their players wanted from a sequel in the early planning stages of Payday 3. It’s bizarre to read a statement like this on a released, full-priced game.
I don’t think I’ve met anyone of any political leaning who would like Biden to be president. People, myself included, still see him as practically perfect compared to Trump.
I’m not defending the Democrats (I’m independent and have no party loyalty). I’m just noting the outrageous state of American politics where puritanical conservatives are so terrified of change that they’d rather vote for a person who openly hates them and their way of life because he lies to them that he’ll maintain the status-quo.
Trump is trash. Biden is trash. Almost all people with any proximity to the presidency are party-loyal trash or wannabe dictators (I.e. Desantis). That said, I’d still rather vote for trash who isn’t openly quoting Hitler and insisting he’s completely above the law.
I have a hard time understanding any justification a Christian puritan would have for voting for Trump. The man embodies the excess of every sin that they obsess over, but I guess he’s the only politician who’s so open to lying to them about the things they most want.
“Grab-em-by-the-pussy” Conservatives vs. Puritan Conservatives is pretty funny to watch. However, I presume that both sides will vote for Trump because they have no sense of hypocrisy or irony.
You want someone to look tough? Have them knock down Worf. Want someone to look unstoppable? Have them subdue Data.
Dude, that’s a chicken…
They’re referencing the Fallout video game franchise. There’s a government referred to as the New California Republic, and their flag has a bear with two heads. Two-headed creatures mutated by radiation is kind of a running joke in the Fallout universe.
Fascists: “We reject your reality and substitute our own!”