GardenVarietyAnxiety

This information is purposefully condensed. It's my goal to get my ideas out in the most clear, concise way possible.

...I'm still working on it, lol. Think of it as a list of "Bullet Paragraphs."

That being said; Please try to take it at face value and let me know if it resonates with you.

Would love to hear from anyone who disagrees, too!

---

tl;dr

Ask Why. Often. If you need to, start with answers you know. Be willing to admit when you get it wrong, Be willing to learn from it. Work on staying rational when emotions rise, While also giving them the space they deserve.

Why is very helpful in relationships, too, Just be mindful of boundaries.

---

Why isn't a question, it's a path. It can be overgrown and hard to see sometimes, but as long as you remember to come back and check now and then, you'll always find it again. And whenever it feels like you've reached the end, there's probably a little more still ahead.

Sometimes, you'll come to an answer that feels right, and later find out you're wrong. If you're able to admit it, you'll still learn from it. Be willing to update your worldview, or maybe just your place in it.

If you don't know where where to start or what to ask, just start with going through the Why that you already know. Journaling is a huge help with this part, but just mentally working through it is great, too.

You might ask something like "Why do I get sad so quickly?" or "Why do I feel lonely?" Keep going until it feels like time to stop, or when you get stuck. Set it down for now, so you can come back later.

If you are able to rationalize and accept why things happened while accepting and feeling the emotional pain when it rises, you can work to heal wounds while staying more emotionally regulated.

The trick here is learning to give the pain the space it deserves, while leaving your rational mind in control to "sort the baggage." It may be difficult at first, but it comes with practice.

Why is amazing when aimed inward, but it can be just as helpful aimed outward: When those close to you are struggling, trying to really understand Why can be a great help to them and may strengthen the relationship as long as boundaries are respected.

This can be applied to many other mental health related situations, too, not just trauma.

This is my jam 😎

[Disclaimer: I am not a licened anything, except a class D Driver, and definitelty not a mental health professional.

The information below involves a theory that could be considered "Brainhacking."

It's a very powerful tool and should be used with informed intent. If you're able, using this method with the advice of a licenced therapist is highly recommended.

If you are not able to do that, you can and should teach yourself about mental emotional health as you engage with this theory, and be willing to update your beliefs.

Self help is popular at the moment and there are a lot of free resources out there. Social media can actually be really helpful with this, but you have to vet your sources.

I can't tell you how to vet, because I don't know. I'm self taught. I can give some recommendations, though, if anyone asks.

The more you learn, the more BS you'll be able to smell.

Just dig.]

With that said... It's possible to build your sense of autonomy by building up your ability to make informed, intentional decisions.

Most people already do this, I know.

This is about how to build it from scratch if you need to, or strengthen what you already have.

If you share this information anywhere, I ask that you share it in it's entirety. Full context is very important.

And lastly; This is a first draft. Feedback and constructive criticism is encouraged.

---

This guide came out of a reply to a comment on my post about Doomer Nihilists.

The post: https://lemmy.world/post/14522935

Which I also posted here: https://lemmy.world/post/14522932

The comment:

I hope you're never able to understand. Depression changes not just how you feel but the ways you can feel. The people you're frustrated with literally can't be positive in the same way you can.

---

My reply:

I'm certain that I won't.

That being said... I've been suffering from Chronic Depression from the age of 12. I'm in my 40's now.

I'll spare you the life story, but after a particularly turbulent ~4 years between 2016 and 2020 (completely unrelated to politics, oddly enough given the range.), I "Woke up" and started to examine the world around me as if I was new here.

During the pandemic, I began to realize that I had to understand the division and rise of authoritarianism going on in the world right now to get over pretty severe cognitive dissonance. It led me to realizing how someone can live in their own reality bubble, and understanding how that bubble gets created.

When you can present someone a black and white fact, and they deny or evade, at a base level in their mind, it is a conscious choice. A choice between evade, deny, and accept. The part of your brain that makes that choice is essentially a root level decision maker.

By utilizing that same part of the mind purposefully and rationally, you can greatly increase your sense of autononomy.

In the context of depression...

Taking back your autonomy aside from but along with healing your depression is possible.

It seems impossible because the depression is taking so much of your mental energy, you haven't been able to really use this part of your mind, and it has likely atrophied.

As you build it back up it will help you take more purposeful steps toward healing.

And to your last statement... Yeah... you can. I promise. Not instantly, but incrementally. It literally starts with making one decision. One decision over and over until it sticks. After that you move on to the next, and the next, and so on.

If you still think it's impossible, ask yourself this question and be honest with the answer:

"Am I ready to heal -yet?-"

If the answer is no, nothing can help. You gotta flip that switch. -You- gotta figure that one out.

It never fully heals, and it may wax and wane, but better is possible.

---

[My reply ends there, but I will continue here with the hypothetical question...]

"Okaysohowthefuckamisupposedtodothis??"

---

You have two separate and distinct minds in your head.

[CGP Grey - You Are Two] ~5m

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wfYbgdo8e-8

And you can learn to use them separately.

This is one place where it's different for everyone. I imagine it will be easier for some and harder for others, but I'll do my best to get it started:

If you've ever had a gut feeling or heard you conscious, that's your left brain. It's the logical voice on your shoulder when a devil's on the other.

Start using that side of your brain to make decisions. Maybe purposefully choose to do something outside your routine or comfort zone. Small things first, like choosing a different flavor, or making a different turn. Use those to identify and and "isolate" your left brain's decision maker and start practicing.

It is a mental muscle. Very useful in mental gymnastics. ;P

It takes time and effort, but as it grows so does your willpower. And once it gets going it slowly starts to feed itself, and you can work more on keeping momentem rather than building it.

A couple notes:

Sometimes your left brain can be a cynical asshole, so your right brain has to step in and say "Okay listen up motherfucker. You and I both know damn good and well that this cynical take is bullshit." Or vice versa. Pay attention to and foster that.

Also, if you wanted to, you could even let each half believe in opposing ideas, as long as the rational side gets at least 51%. This is how I hold all of my spiritual beliefs.

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"Will doing this fully heal my depression?"

---

No. Nothing can do that. The depression will never be gone, but with the right understanding to make the right decisions, this will help you to process most of, if not all of what can be healed.

You will have to feel all of your pain before it's gone, and that part is probably gonna suck.

When you are able; sit with your pain. Understand it, hold it, and when you're ready or when you need to, set it down. It will come back later, where you'll go through this process again.

On that topic; Journaling is a great way to process, as well. Most people seem to get the the best results by physically journaling with pen and paper. I feel like typing on a physical, mechanical keyboard works best for me. (But my phone works in a pinch, too!)

Talking to someone is great, too, but talking about emotional issues too often can possibly do more harm then good. Pay attention to how you feel after to know if it's helpful. Ex.: "Do I feel more relieved or more anxious?" Identify the feelings.

There are tons: Creating Art, Exercise, Being Outdoors, and so on. You'll have to find what works for you. Just don't be afraid to feel understand the pain as you do it. Sometimes you might even try to feel it intentionally. But always remember; When you're done, set it down and let it come back later.

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If all of -this- seems impossible to you: Did you evade or deny? What would change if you accepted it?

---

Uhm... That's it, in a nutshell. This was kinda spur of the moment, and I have plans to write more of the "How" out in greater detail, at some point. But for now... Thank you for coming to my TedTalk?

[Edited title and body to change Selfish to Doomer.]

These Doomer Nihilists are so sure the world is so completely fucked, that they just nope out of any meaningful action that might mitigate what's coming.

Hell, they might be right. But it takes an incredibly selfish person to assume their idea of the future is absolute, to the point you just go "If I'm doomed, I'll just let it burn with everyone inside."

I've been called naive, idealistic and cliche just because I believe in the Human capacity to adapt and thrive, and our unique ability as Humans to choose what we believe. How a positive mindset will -literally- move us in a positve direction, generally speaking.

And I admit, I am verying degrees of those things... But am I wrong?

Humans became... And we're still becoming, a collective organism as the internet spreads. It's far from perfect, but it keeps us all connected in one way or another. That gives each and every one of us a little push and tug on the whole.

Unless you are truly isolated in your life, and my heart breaks for those who are, your positivity matters. Your negativity matters. These things spread to anyone who interacts with you, whether it's the slightest bit or enough to get someone to see another perspective. It spreads and it matters.

I just feel like... if more people were a little more naive and idealistic, but informed, we might not be so fucked.

Face it like a Human.

[Edited slightly for clarification]

[Edited title and body to change Selfish to Doomer]

These Doomer Nihilists are so sure the world is so completely fucked, that they just nope out of any meaningful action that might mitigate what's coming.

Hell, they might be right. But it takes an incredibly selfish person to assume their idea of the future is absolute, to the point you just go "If I'm doomed, I'll just let it burn with everyone inside."

I've been called naive, idealistic and cliche just because I believe in the Human capacity to adapt and thrive, and our unique ability as Humans to choose what we believe. How a positive mindset will -literally- move us in a positve direction, generally speaking.

And I admit, I am verying degrees of those things... But am I wrong?

Humans became... And we're still becoming, a collective organism as the internet spreads. It's far from perfect, but it keeps us all connected in one way or another. That gives each and every one of us a little push and tug on the whole.

Unless you are truly isolated in your life, and my heart breaks for those who are, your positivity matters. Your negativity matters. These things spread to anyone who interacts with you, whether it's the slightest bit or enough to get someone to see another perspective. It spreads and it matters.

I just feel like... if more people were a little more naive and idealistic, but informed, we might not be so fucked.

Face it like a Human.

tl;dr: My partner refuses to meet agreed upon cleaning goals and it's causing significant relationship issues. She's never blamed her ADHD, but I know it's a factor.

Is my ask (that she clean one uncommonly cleaned "chunk' of the house each week) unreasonable? Or rather, is my reaction to her not clearing this (very low, in my opinion) bar unwarranted?

---

My partner and I are both women, both diagnosed with ADHD.

She doesn't work due to anxiety, so I have to support us financially 100%, but she agreed early in our relationship (long before either of us had been diagnosed) that she'd take care of the housekeeping. She does some, but our house has never felt "clean" or "tidy" to me.

I lost my job during covid, and was lucky enough to get on the unemployment train for a while which was a blessing because I was battling severe burnout.

As our savings neared depletion, the thought of re-entering the workforce was causing me massive depression, and when I was all but ready to just give up on everything, I asked her for help.

Just a part time job, or work from home, or anything to generate income to take the weight off my shoulders so I could try to develop some entry level coding skills and get a job I could be proud of.

She agreed, filled out a resume and browsed some job boards... and nothing came of it.

After a while, I asked her to at least sell a box of old Amiibos on ebay. Once again, she agreed and didn't follow through.

As the savings dried up, I was forced to get a shitty job that's (still) just barely paying the bills.

After a few weeks of working again, I brought up the cleaning thing in an argument. I mentioned how she agreed to but never helped out financially, so I quantified the cleaning and set a (very low) bar for her to cross. She told me it was reasonable and it would get done.

3 years later and she has yet to clear the bar and our relationship is only being held together by a few thin strands of codependency.

The bar: On top of her baseline (Dishes, laundry, kitchen, living room, bathroom, and meals 4 nights a week, typically frozen pizza or something else from the freezer section, give or take), I asked her to take on a "Project" once a week. Something in the house that's rarely cleaned, which roughly requires the effort it takes to clean and organize our small 2ft by 2ft pantry. So like an hour or so.

It's not happening.

She throws excuses at me left and right, but she's never blamed the ADHD. I've considered it though...

So what I'm coming here to ask... I know you don't know her specific case (we are both at mild to moderate ADHD), but does my request sound unreasonable? Should I try to be more understanding?

Very hyped for this one. It's a spiritual successor to the Suikoden series (PS1/PS2), of which the second game is my all time favorite RPG.

Anyone else?

::shakes fist::

(I'm currently using Firefox 124.01 on Ubuntu 22.04.03 LTS) (My formatting is also givinge problems... I want to eat my own eyeballs out right now...)

I'm very new to Linux, and trying to get PHP installed, but it won't render anything...

Following this guide (https://ubuntu.com/server/docs/programming-php), I started with:

sudo apt update
sudo apt install apache2

Test Page Success!

So I continue with:

sudo apt install php libapache2-mod-php
sudo apt install php-mysql
sudo apt install php-cgi

Then:

sudo systemctl restart apache2.service

I write the following in /var/www/html/index.php:

<?php

phpinfo();

Test Text1

?>

Test Text2

I see "Test Text2" and nothing else. I see my PHP tags and their contents upon source inspection.

Then I perform the following:

apt list --installed | grep php
sudo apt purge php
apt list --installed | grep php (0 Results)

And try again:

sudo apt install php libapache2-mod-php
sudo apt install php-mysql
sudo apt install php-cgi

sudo systemctl restart apache2.service

No luck... Any ideas what's going on?

A little additional info:

~$ which php
/usr/bin/php

~$ php -v
PHP 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 (cli) (built: Aug 18 2023 11:41:11) (NTS)
Copyright (c) The PHP Group
Zend Engine v4.1.2, Copyright (c) Zend Technologies
    with Zend OPcache v8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14, Copyright (c), by Zend Technologies

~$ apt list --installed | grep php

WARNING: apt does not have a stable CLI interface. Use with caution in scripts.

libapache2-mod-php8.1/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
libapache2-mod-php/jammy,jammy,now 2:8.1+92ubuntu1 all [installed]
php-common/jammy,jammy,now 2:92ubuntu1 all [installed,automatic]
php-mysql/jammy,jammy,now 2:8.1+92ubuntu1 all [installed]
php8.1-cli/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
php8.1-common/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
php8.1-mysql/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
php8.1-opcache/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
php8.1-readline/jammy-updates,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 amd64 [installed,automatic]
php8.1/jammy-updates,jammy-updates,jammy-security,jammy-security,now 8.1.2-1ubuntu2.14 all [installed,automatic]
php/jammy,jammy,now 2:8.1+92ubuntu1 all [installed]

/etc/apache2/mods-enabled$ ls
access_compat.load  authz_core.load  deflate.load  mime.load         php8.1.load      status.load
alias.conf          authz_host.load  dir.conf      mpm_prefork.conf  reqtimeout.conf
alias.load          authz_user.load  dir.load      mpm_prefork.load  reqtimeout.load
auth_basic.load     autoindex.conf   env.load      negotiation.conf  setenvif.conf
authn_core.load     autoindex.load   filter.load   negotiation.load  setenvif.load
authn_file.load     deflate.conf     mime.conf     php8.1.conf       status.conf