AutumnReaper

How do you make cheese grits? Would orzo be a good alternative if grits are a sensory issue? It looks really inspiring in what's achievable at home.

I didn't grow up with grits and find them very intimidating due to lack of inspiration for incorporation

Highly recommend getting into Whole nuts (seasoned and unseasoned), Dried fruit (raisins, craisins, cranberry, etc.), Granola clusters (store bought or homemade), Sunflower kernels, Croutons, Jellies/jams, Nut butters, Candied Chiles, Pretzels, Chips, Shredded coconut, And anything else that would seem to fit into a salad, oatmeal (hot/cold, instant/overnight), yogurt parfait (so many flavors available and variety with greek/non-greek yogurt), cereal (chex, cheerios, cookie crisp, cinn toast crunch, etc), chia pudding, popcorn etc.

Main point is to have a bunch of 'healthy' ingredients on hand that you can add to a base or even just throw together in a little bowl to snack on. Add what you feel like at the moment, you could even make kind bars knock offs with a muffin tin.

No need to shy away from 'unhealthy' additions since the point to add nutritional value to treats. Not take them away.

https://www.powerhungry.com/2016/06/13/sweet-spicy-nut-clusters/

Use recipe as a guideline for how to make kind bar knock offs, choice of ingredients is whatever you have at home.

TLDR; Get ingredients that have multipurpose and treat them like earning new colors to paint with. Your tastebuds are your canvas, keep them interested with switching it up.

Bonus! If you make too much, you can set it aside (assuming its not gonna get soggy) and have a pre-prepped snack for latter 😉

Double bonus! So much less clean up, everything should be able to chuck into the dishwasher and/or you can even reuse your bowl if it was only dry snack

It seems to me that you're very focused on the end result of 'issue is solved' potentially without understanding and/or acknowledgement of the other person's efforts to solve the issue on their own.

Of course they should take the time to reciprocate when you're the one seeking resolution.

Listening to someone and allowing them time to vent to their own conclusion is to take part of their emotional journey. They may want your solutions eventually, but they want to have the human connection of going through that journey together so that way you have all the context for their feelings/stress.

People don't come to others for help and want to defend their previous actions. They just want to say that they're frustrated, this is what they did, this is what happened, and maybe that's all they want. Listening = validation of the human experience. Maybe after venting, they'll want some solutions.

Personally I have a hard time telling if someone wants a venting session or a solutions session. So I just straight up ask what they need and if they'll want to check in on the solutions after venting. This saves you the emotional labor required to try to help someone that doesn't want it and keeps the chance of frustration/unfulfillment low for both parties

Family though is a mixed bag. Unless both parties are operating under the same expectations, it'll lead to what you described. Understandable that you just don't get it since the fault is not on you

How are you screening potential partners? Please read while contrasting against your own experience in relationship and what you look for in a partner. TLDR @ bottom

For context of where my advice is coming from. I'm in my mid 20's and live in the midwest in a suburbs area near several top universities. Met my partner online 5 years ago (early twenties for both of us) before c-19.

I have autism (undiagnosied at the time) and therefore would be forced to take a 10 min break from driving on the highway (over stimulation) about half way through the drive when visiting them.

One month into our relationship we became long distance where I visit them during fall/winter/spring (1½ hr, one way) and they visit me during school breaks/summer (20 min) due to school/living circumstances.

Timeline is we met in August during 20 min distance, went on 3 dates (1 per wk) before committing to eachother, and then became 1½ hr distance right after our 4th date. We were long distance for 2 years and the c-19 lockdowns occured 6 months into our relationship.

This sounds like a lot of emotional/physical labor to commit to a relationship right away -but I also had a zero tolerance policy on certain deal breakers. Other 'rules' were on a case by case basis

By end of the first date, I would need to know: +Am i attracted to them both physically and mentally? +What are their expectations in a relationship and what does that look like to them short term vs long term. Know their expected timeline of events. +What do they consider fundamental human rights and what would they add to their list instantly worldwide if they could? Make it lighthearted by offering a joke answer first to give them time to think. (This can be done on a second date if you want to keep date 1 shorter)

Make sure to cover these most of these topics before committing to a relationship 100% physically, mentally, and financially.

+What is love? Not just for you as a romantic partner, but as a friend, family, parent, for themselves too?

+Kiddos? What happens if not possible due to extraneous circumstances? What about miscarriage? Current political consequences on women's death rate during pregnancy/birth? What's the plan for becoming a single parent due to death of the partner for either of you?

+In-law elderly long term care. If they volun-tell you that you'll take care of their parents and don't consider your own parents without a prompt from you or subtlety dismiss your own family, RUN! Who's paying/saving for their and your elderly care/retirement?

Zero Tolerance for ANY relationship

• they are dismissive of my option, don't apologize when I explain that they hurt me or attempt to understand from my perspective
• aren't willing to communicate the steps they will take to improve
• used my vulnerability as a way to attack me
• view me through a lens of societal expectation and not perceive/accept my authentic self.

I refuse to put up a mask for a life partner. Get in my life 100% or GTFO

Things to note :

+Recognizing that not everyone desires a deep relationship like this is hard.

+People are willing to be vulnerable if they see the other person become vulnerable with them. This is mirroring and is a wonderful tool to see quickly who is willing to put in the TRUST in opening up. +Have prudence in what you share is something that will be easy to say 'fuck them' if they use it to hurt you. If you start off in the deep end, then it can only go deeper from there.

+If they don't engage with you, they aren't worth your time to convince them. It will be a never ending fight (+50 year) that is exhausting.

Note: listen for yellow flags like not taking any accountability, immaturity, skewed perceptions of reality.

Highly recommend to start off the relationship with no penetrative sex. Truly see how selfish or selfless they can be in pursuit of sexual gratification. Do they have an inferiority complex towards using toys in bed? Whether or not you're not a virgin, they should 100% support you and not pressure you to have sex. It's a no question, the assumption always is, that penetrative sex is off the table until marriage or you change your mind. If they 'check in to see if you've changed your mind' that's disrespectful. They will know when you change your mind (by having sex of course) and are subtlety pressuring you for their own gratification.

Of course all these expectations that I have, I communicate to them and demand that I also engage with them likewise 🙂

If it's 'too much' then they can GTFO. There is value in these guidelines and the right person will put in the hard work. Partners that want all that, yet don't contribute nearly the same are scamming you of your emotional energy/labor. You have value, but it's your job to chase off the scammers until your value is recognized. If i feel undervalued, communicate that and my partner does not work to address my concerns, I am actively devalueing my emotional human experience and the foundation of a loving relationship

Sorry for the word vomit, lol. TLDR; First give context of my own relationship to provide background for advice/questions. Advice boils down to "don't waste time on superficial relationship that will devalue your emotional experience. If someone doesn't want to get to know you, then they're taking themselves out. Praise the universe they GTFO now and not after becoming legally bound together."