this post was submitted on 03 Jul 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 years ago

Nope. At least not in the traditional sense.

Consider this: there are 8 billion people on this planet. If soul mates existed in an exclusive sense, and by that I mean that there is one other person on the planet who is your soul mate, the likelihood of ever even getting close to meeting that individual is negligible, let alone the chance of forming some sort of relationship.

Certain personalities mesh well, and those personalities are the result of our genetics, our upbringings, our cultural environment, and our life experiences. I don't think the traditional idea of a soul mate really fits reality. It's more likely, in my view, that some people get along and some people don't. Those that get along well may tend to find each other and make good matches. But, undoubtedly, there are plenty of people on the planet that will be a good match for any one individual. It's just a matter of finding one of those people, and choosing to be with them.

[–] viv 12 points 2 years ago

Soulmates are made, not found.

Which is to say — relationships are work. And finding someone you are compatible with doesn’t mean you are done with hard work. Once you are in a stable long-term relationship, you are always growing and evolving both separately as individuals and together as partners. And working towards being the best partners to one other is a huge part of that.

I think it’s easy to say or think that 1. Soulmates are real and the perfect person is out there waiting for you, and once you find them then things will finally be easy, or 2. Soulmates aren’t real, so you don’t need to worry about that expectation; just find someone you are compatible with and enjoy spending your time/life with.

But for me personally, I have found so much happiness in my life by treating my relationship with my spouse like something bigger than just the two of us, that we both put the work into to maintain and grow. We make each other better, and we feel like we are always becoming better versions of ourselves with one another; I think that’s a great litmus test for a ‘soulmate.’

[–] AsimovsRobot 7 points 2 years ago

I don't think so. I think that people want to believe it, justify their unhappiness with their partner, but it mostly comes down to being able to learn, to make compromises and to hold yourself to the same standard (if not higher) than you hold your partner to. Nobody is perfect and people who say their partners are are really sugarcoating it. Being in a relationship can be really difficult and frustrating, but also very rewarding and humbling, because what's better thank being with someone that you understand and he or she understands you? Someone that helps you better yourself? Sometimes it's not even about that, it's just about that calming presence. But none of that comes naturally, none if it just happens like that. It takes work and dedication.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 years ago

I don’t think the two halves of the apple exist, the soulmate etc.

I think we’re all people walking down a road, and sometimes we meet someone else who will join us down that road for a while, and walk with us. maybe after a while they’ll take a different path, the important thing is that we walked together and enjoyed doing so.

[–] Poglathegrate 3 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Even if they did the chances of you meeting them are essentially 0.

I'm going to assume that "soul mate" means that there's one perfect match for you. One person that is perfect.

I'm going to assume that you're hetero.

There's 7.888 billion people in the world.

Finding out how much of the population is gay/lesbian is pretty much impossible, and how "gay" is gay? Exclusively same sex relationships? 99%? What?

Anyway, let's ballpark 3% of the population that just doesn't share your interests in romantic partners.

That leaves 7.651 billion people

Breakdown by gender is roughly 50.42% male 49.58% female. I'm happy to have an error margin of just over half a percent and call that 50/50.

That leaves 3.286 billion people.

If you were to meet one of those per second, you'd take 121 years to meet them all. Unfortunately only one person has been verified to live that long (Jeanne Calment), so you basically have no chance to meet them.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 years ago

Also, one third of all people live in China or India alone. So of those 3ish billion people, there's a 1 in 3 chance they live in India or China and likely don't speak English. It's so wild that a lot of people's soul mates grew up in the same neighborhood they did, were exactly the same age, and went to the same school...

[–] Mr_Blott 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Wot if Jeanne Calment is your soulmate tho

[–] Poglathegrate 2 points 2 years ago

Then you would have had to spend most of your life meeting one person a second and doing nothing else.

You'd need to do it while eating

While poohing

While having a slash

[–] Mickey7 2 points 1 year ago

Yes. They are the person that you completely trust. Even more so than any blood relative. And the reverse is that there is nothing that you would not do for them.

[–] andrewta 0 points 2 years ago

Yes.

Although with close to 8 billion people on the planet it will be tough to find

[–] RightHandOfIkaros 0 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Not for everyone.

EDIT: This sounds kinda incel-ish, so let me clarify what I mean:

Some people are able to find a person that they mesh very well with. But that is basically like lightning striking the same place thirty times in a row. It is more common that you will find someone you only sometimes or mostly mesh well with.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 2 years ago

Also, while we're at it, there are some individuals who are friendly and flexible and could probably make a relationship work with many people. And some people are stubborn grouches that couldn't even mesh with themselves if there was an exact copy.