this post was submitted on 09 Dec 2023
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How's everyone's week going thus far? :) Little bit of a pre-holiday check in and discussion. (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]
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It's been a while since we've had a general discussions thread, and with the holiday season ramping up, I imagine a lot of us are feeling very stressed and worn out.

Spending time with family members is always a time, to say the least. Getting my family to respect my partner's they/them pronouns has been frustrating and exhausting. It enfuriates me that they can understand and respect my pronouns, but only because I'm binary gendered. Getting very sick of deconstructing the "them is multiple people" argument, as well as the "I'm still a lesbian even though my partner is transmasc non-binary" conversation. 😓

But aside from that, I'm actually excited about the holidays this year. And I hope everyone has something to look forward to, time with friends and family who love and accept us. We all deserve love, compassion, and acceptance, and to be able to enjoy a time of year that should be representative of all those things.

This space is 100% open and welcoming of venting, frustration, whatever you want to post here. And if you see cishet people disrupting you, disrupting the community, invalidating your feelings or opinions please report them and we will deal with them accordingly. I'm not handing out bans to every cis person who has an opinion on anything here, but this is not a space for cisgender people. If you're reading this and you're cisgender, you are welcome to post and contribute here. By all means, do so. But keep in mind that this space is not for you. You are a visitor in this community. How we feel, how we struggle, the experiences we as transfeminine people have come first every single time. I won't change that. And if you're going to participate here, you need to abide by that.

I just wanted to get that out of the way because occasionally we get an influx of people from other parts of the fediverse here and they are welcome but I continue to see cisgender experiences being used to invalidate transgender ones. And that's going to be a focus of mine going forward.

What are your thoughts on this time of year? What's been your experiences so far with family, the good and the bad? Let's all support each other through this. And what are your thoughts on how this community has been over the last few months? I'd love to hear it if anyone had any suggestions or thoughts on how our community has been operating.

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[–] BassaForte 9 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I won't be seeing my family / parents this year. They moved halfway across the country early this year and I started HRT in June. They are conservatives and not accepting, but I'm also not sure how they would react when they find out - I still have a good relationship with them.

I don't really have any plans to tell them and I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle it... Could maybe use some advice. Otherwise HRT has been going well and I'm about to hit 6 months.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago

Well, I don’t have any advice per se, but feel free to read through some of my post history for how my mom has handled it through stages (it didn’t go over well at first). I mean, it’s still not great (she called me Mrs. Doubtfire when I was talking about cleaning the house) but it’s better than I expected.

I haven’t told my dad just yet, he’s hinted at just wanting me to be happy in my journey, but who really knows.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 11 months ago

Well, the lady I take care of is going on hospice care, so it’s not great per se. Nothing new from my family and I probably won’t see them. I have a dental appointment on the 19th that’s gonna cost 6.5 grand usd without sedation and 8.1 grand with sedation. No clue how I’m gonna pay that all, my dad said he’d help with some of it, but I gotta find the rest at some point. It’s my wisdom teeth and two molars they broke, plus bone grafts and stuff.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago

I plan to come out to my grandma on Christmas evening. I'm sure that she won't react negatively but I'm unsure if she will even understand it properly. (She is 83)

Other than that I'm happy that I quickly found a therapy spot at the beginning of November in less than a week where I expected to have to wait at least 2 months or something to get a spot. That means I won't have to wait too long to finally start HRT in the near future.

I'm happy that all my family and friends that I have come out to already (which means pretty much everyone) are supportive of me and I haven't had a negative experience so far since I initially came out to my mom at the end of September.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 11 months ago (2 children)

still waiting for a psychotherapist to diagnose me.

I recently got COVID and I hope, even if it may sound weird and shitty, that the mild symptoms still linger on so that I have a valid reason to neither host nor attend Christmas with my family. It fills me with dread to spend my first Christmas out of the closet with them.

On an unrelated note. I currently play Celeste. Or rather I just finished the main game. Damn was it a rollercoaster, but damn satisfying reaching the Summit.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I hope that you're able to get your diagnosis soon. Waiting is the worst. :(

Totally feel you on the Christmas with family deal. I really hope that if you do have to see them that they are accepting and supportive. Even when they are, you still have to sort through all the first questions and reactions, and I know how horribly anxiety inducing waiting to hear what people think can be. I'd honestly use the COVID, even if it's already cleared up, as a bit of an excuse to limit contact, even if not outright refusing to go at all.

Yeah I really need to play Celeste 😅 I've seen people speedrun it and everything but somehow haven't played it myself, even tho it's totally my type of game lol.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

Yeah I really need to play Celeste 😅 I’ve seen people speedrun it and everything but somehow haven’t played it myself, even tho it’s totally my type of game lol.

I'm not really a perfectionist or someone who likes to feel punished for playing sub par. But Celeste... it really is encouraging to fail and learn. There were some really hard rooms that I had to redo over and over and over... but I wanted to prove to myself that I got this. Eventually, I finished my first run in 6 hours (with deaths around 1200).

I’d honestly use the COVID, even if it’s already cleared up, as a bit of an excuse to limit contact, even if not outright refusing to go at all.

I got them convinced that my symptoms are still severe enough that I don't want to infect them (my sister is running a retirement home, so it would be devastating) and they are now having to plan B, without me. So that's a relief :)

I hope that you’re able to get your diagnosis soon. Waiting is the worst. :(

It totally is. I should put my name on more waiting lists, to increase my chances to get an appointment earlier.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago

I feel you on the Christmas with family. My mom is transphobic and homophobic so I just don't want to be around her anymore, which makes Christmas kinda hard to pass through this year as I associate it with her.

Oh no way! I started another run of Celeste recently. Last time I played was about 3 years ago, before my egg cracked. Playing Celeste with my chosen name gives me such feels.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

Went to local lgbt groups trans meeting for the first time. Was pretty cool, but crap i'm not used to that level of socializing.

I also got angry enough at my doctor prescribing hrt to look for alternatives. Feels empowering in a way that it shouldn't do.

[–] [email protected] 4 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (1 children)

I was looking forward to the holidays, but then my orchi got delayed well into the new year and that's kind of cascaded everything else. I have a condition that makes things very painful down there and was looking forward to being pain free when I planned to come out to my extended family, and work before the holidays.

With my pain not going to be resolved I don't really feel like I have the strength to deal with going through with the stress of coming out, though my dysphoria is going bonkers living in the closet. My parents, though "accepting", are extremely bad about deadnaming and misgendering me and at this point it's making me consider not visiting at all if that's how it'll go.

Sorry for the downer post lol just how it is. I'm sure I'll be right as rain when I can finally get the stupid operation done

Also I really like how you've been running the community LadyAutumn and I appreciate your check-in posts as well :)

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I'm so sorry to hear that your procedure got delayed. Most awful feeling in the world when you're getting so close and have to wait even longer. I hope that you have some support through that and that you're holding up okay. :(

I think it's completely understandable to delay coming out if you'd have to do it through a lot of pain and stress. This is all about you and what you feel up to doing, and it's okay to wait until you truly feel ready to tell them. I also think your decision to visit them or not is totally fair and reasonable. With my family over the years, I've come down very hard on people who refuse to respect me. I correct misgendering or deadnaming no matter how awkward it is or what the circumstances are, and i have cut out some family for refusing to respect me, my partner, and my friends. All that to say that when it comes to your family respecting you, your feelings are always what should come first. I hope that they come around for you and make real efforts to respect your name and your gender. You deserve that support from them.

Let us know when you get confirmation of your appointment, and we can hype you up :) Don't worry about not having a lot of positive feelings to share right now. The holiday season is so hard for a lot of trans folks, and having this space for transfeminine people to vent their feelings is a big priority of mine. We deserve that, and I love that we can have this space separate and distinct from any social media company and run and managed by a bunch of volunteer queer people.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago (1 children)

What a wonderful reply, thank you @LadyAutumn

One thing you helped me realize is how many people have had to deal with the same things I am right now. I've always had trouble feeling valid, but that realization has been one of the most validating so far.

Would you mind if I DM'd you?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Sure! :)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 11 months ago (1 children)

This Christmas is on my mind way too much.

I'm nervous about my Mom continually trying to convince me I'm not trans like she's done last time I'm there. I'm also stressed she will have bought me male clothes for Christmas which I won't be able to hide my disappointment if so.

I pulled back on a lot of things, since her reaction to me telling her was so negative, and she was so upset about it. She doesn't even know my name, and she doesn't want to understand anything or listen to me as of last conversation in person... It's so frustrating dealing with a woman so viscously sodden with trans ignorance and prejudice. She was certain I would be "back to normal" by Christmas so, going back at all is partially a hope that she'll be willing to talk given the season and time it's been from last contract, but also a judgement if I go no contact with her.

It makes it tough, since I'll effectively lose all my family by doing this. I don't really have any desire to come out to the wider family, but I did want to tell some members discretely at some point. Every Christmas we all meet up, and have done for years, but I'll be losing that and instead be on my own for Christmas in the future. It makes it hard, and it makes it hurt.

Even if she's better and I stay for the week or two I usually do, I'll be boymode anyways the whole time, cause I don't want the wider family to know yet. I made a stupid agreement to not be too feminine when I was scared I was going to lose my mom completely, and I don't know how to push back. Especially since I'm worried she'll tell my dad and try to get him involved, who I equally worry will not accept me and will likely disown me outright. I only really see my dad once a year and likely only have a few years left with him. I'm not sure if it'll tell him, but I don't want to tell him yet for certain.

My mom was a good mom to me growing up, and she sacrificed a lot to give me opportunities in life I shouldn't have. I also thought I got the loving kindness and acceptance I have for others from her, but instead I was seemingly projecting. It's brutally crushing to see someone I was proud of up to tumble, and the hysteresis of memories clashing with her present day actions is difficult. I know I have to let go, and just being around her traumatizes me, but this Christmas is the best compromise I could reach up with myself. Any advice for asserting myself would be appreciated.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago (1 children)

That sounds shit. No advice here I'm afraid but I'll pour out some eggnog for you. I hope you get through it all right xx

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

I'll be ok, I have friends who are willing to help me if I need to get out. A few have suggested I go stay with them instead which I'm considering as well. We don't have eggnog here for me to join you with, but I'll drink a cocoa in return ♥️

[–] [email protected] 2 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago)

My week is going pretty well so far. I have a week off from work starting in a few days, so I’m excited for that. I really want to go on a hiking trip to the California desert, but it seems everyone in my social circle is busy during my break. So I’m debating whether I should go on the trip by myself, or wait another month or two to see if we can match free days sometime.

As for my transition, yesterday was my shot day. Since the beginning of my transition, I’ve been taking estradiol pills from an online pharmacy, but I recently decided to switch to Estradiol Undecylate injections from Lena because they’re way cheaper, and people say injections are much more effective. Last month was my first injection, and yesterday was my second. Now that I know what to expect when injecting myself, my shot yesterday was much less scary than the first time. I’ve also started feeling a lot of subtle aching in my breasts, and it seems my face might be feminizing a bit more, so I’m really excited.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 11 months ago

Pre-holiday? It's the eighth and last night!

[–] Nikki 1 points 11 months ago

hopefully my gifts will have my name on them, that would be the best gift i could ask for. excited to wear my cute pink lazy outfit on Christmas morning, no big gatherings is a relief