The Onion

Oh my god, I had no idea. We just moved in from an area where there are no volcanoes anywhere close.

Just this morning I let my toddler play up there. I thought the crater lake would be fun for the kid, because what child does not like to dabble in water now and then. I had no idea that volcanoes could provide such hazards. Will certainly not let him play there again.

This article might have saved my child.

Damn libs trying to tell me I can't give my baby a lava bath now?! The hell they ain't!!!

So ... it took me a moment to realize that this was The Onion, because I legit figured that in the bizarro world timeline, this is a thing that could actually happen.

Yea but there is a 50/50 chance of the bones not burning up and someone finding them, ideally you want to shoot for 4-6" of lava.

TIL

Education is crucial near a lava flow. You can easily cook a kielbasa or your kid over it. Choose wisely.

This is unnecessary. Given the nature of capitalism, some kind entrepreneur will delivery to these people molten lava charms

(for a nominal fee of course)

This is of course provided the pharmaceuticals don't develop a molten resistance potion first, then there's no reason for lava charms.

I don't really like the feel of swimming in lava in general, not really the temperature that gets to me.