Home Assistant is open source home automation that puts local control and privacy first. Powered by a worldwide community of tinkerers and DIY enthusiasts. Perfect to run on a Raspberry Pi or a local server. Available for free at home-assistant.io
I use these candles: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B01MQE6LU3/ref=ppx_yo_dt_b_search_asin_title?ie=UTF8&psc=1 but any on Amazon with the little remote should work just fine.
I use the RM Mini3 and they work great. Even got some of those AAA>USB adapters so no more replacing batteries either!
You could get something like a Broadlink RM Mini3. It integrates with Home Assistant, and can be used to learn (and repeat) the IR commands of the remote. If you also have any RF devices you might want to control, the RM4 Pro will do both RF and IR.
I recently set up a Broadlink RM4 Pro to control my bedroom ceiling fan using RF. Once I realized that the RF signal was strong enough to work from another room, I put the RM4 in my living room and also use it to IR control my TV and stereo.
Awesome! This points me in the right direction. Now I just need to find some candles that will work with the bridge, I guess it's a guessing game.
And after reading your post.... This will be useful for other things too.