this post was submitted on 18 Jun 2023
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BereavementTips

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Dealing with loss of a friend or loved one? Know someone going through a loss and don't know what to do? Find tips from people who have went through loss or others who have helped people. It's a difficult time for many people so hopefully these tips can make things a little better.

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You will stay in a depression mode if you stay in that bubble.

I have went through loss multiple times and believe me when I say there are many times where I wanted to do nothing other than stay in bed or just stay at home. You can not live the rest of your life that way. You have to make friends and take risks even if that means you will be hurt again. Being ghosted or told by someone they are not interested or anything of that nature is a risk you have to take to heal. This is especially true if you lost a partner. They would not want you to live your life alone just because they are no longer with you.

Find at least one new hobby or resurrect a hobby that you used to enjoy and pursue it. It may be as silly as a trading card game or as complex as learning a new language and traveling. (Extra tip here is DuoLingo) Take the trip you have always wanted to do and make a new friend somewhere. If you are going to take a trip meet a local through something like couchsurfing and you will often find someone who will enjoy taking some time to show you around. Or maybe offer to host or show someone else around where you live.

I took a cruise with a friend and had never been outside of the US before my wife passed away. I learned to scuba dive and have some of my own equipment. I will be going to Jamaica in January and seeing the island where my wife grew up. I don't have a lot of money but my friend and my wife's aunt have helped make these things possible. I have even started to try and find someone that I at the very least can get to know and possibly even have a relationship with. I know my wife would want me to do these things and some of them are things we had talked about doing but never could afford to do with her medical bills.

While I was on the cruise ship I talked to multiple people and honestly told them that it was bittersweet for me. I miss my wife very badly and a few days were really rough. I talked to people and told a few of them that if I am crying it's ok, I am just going through a lot and that my wife had passed away. People will often listen and talk. I received a hand on a shoulder multiple times and one woman gave me a hug when we were leaving the last port we were at. It's the little things like this that help make the pain bearable on those bad days. Remember there are good caring people everywhere but you have to get out of your bubble to meet them.

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