MuttMutt

Hey all, had a camera get lost later on in another dive so lost a ton of footage but figured I should still try to put something out. It's also a pain to be diving with a group, wish I could afford my own safety diver, 8K camera, and boat for diving but I am just a broke guy who wants to teach people to dive for free with YouTube as my funding source.

AWESOME dive, tons of interesting and different fish around, got to see some wild lionfish (which are invasive in this area) taken off the reef and fed to some toadfish so it was really cool to see. Did I mention there is a HUGE eel surfing the reef as well??

Oh and sorry it's a little wobbly, a couple days later I lost a camera and the more stable footage, this was a camera mounted to my mask mainly just so I would have more footage and could pull the best stuff to make the video.

Anyway I am also trying to start a non-profit where I will be able to teach others whom have been through traumatic experiences and/or are low income to dive for free and hopefully even be able to provide them with a basic gear set along with their certification.

Awesome dive, in fact the first time I have ever seen a shark on a reef. Honestly didn't expect that when I booked the dive but it was awesome to see. I can't wait to be back down that way again to do some more dives.

Anyway I am also trying to start a non-profit where I will be able to teach others whom have been through traumatic experiences and/or are low income to dive for free and hopefully even be able to provide them with a basic gear set along with their certification.

I was a little disappointed in this dive as there really wasn't a lot to see compared to some places I have been. Don't get me wrong I would absolutely dive there again since time underwater is time underwater, but it would have been nice to see more than I did.

Anyway I am also trying to start a non-profit where I will be able to teach others whom have been through traumatic experiences and/or are low income to dive for free and hopefully even be able to provide them with a basic gear set along with their certification.

Whelp, this is what I would consider my first true dive. Before this it had all been training dives, certification dives, and some pool practice dives. Boy was I green, lol. Not a ton of footage as a lot of it is moving around way too much. Maybe sometime I will release some unedited video's for others to see but who knows.

Anyway I am also trying to start a non-profit where I will be able to teach others whom have been through traumatic experiences and/or are low income to dive for free and hopefully even be able to provide them with a basic gear set along with their certification.

Dive was done in October 2019 long before I considered posting video's on YouTube. It was also very early in my diving so the footage is a bit wobbly but I have gotten a lot better and my first dive which was the day before this one in Cozumel has a lot less footage...

Anyway I am also trying to start a non-profit where I will be able to teach others whom have been through traumatic experiences and/or are low income to dive for free and hopefully even be able to provide them with a basic gear set along with their certification.

Having knowledge on a subject like bereavement is helpful but processing the grief is much more than knowledge.

I am personally very smart. I don't like to toot my own horn and rarely tell people that I have a high IQ. I also know the stages of grief and knowing the signs and being able to handle them are two different things. It can often feel like standing on the railroad tracks in cement shoes with a train coming at you as fast as possible. The train is coming and you know it's going to get you if you don't get out of the way but at the same time you can't get out of the way fast enough to not be hit.

Most of the time when things are coming the best thing you can do is get yourself to a safe place where you can be comfortable and have support to get through it. That can mean heading home and going to bed or finding a quiet place. It could mean being in a situation where you have friends and loved ones around to help. Everyone deals with grief and loss differently so how they deal with it will be as varied as there are people on the planet.

You have to find your "safe place" for yourself and do your best to utilize it when needed. But remember that it's not always going to be feasible to drop what you are doing and head to your safe place. I personally found a lot of help in talking to random people as well as posting here for those who need the help. I am truly a wounded healer and want to help others through their grief while also helping to relieve some of my own grief as well.

Not long before creating this subreddit my wife passed away.

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It's been a tough couple years since then but something has changed for me. I have found someone to spend time with, got to go on a trip, and started something to help me sleep, relieve pain, and feel a little bit better. I am not a person who likes taking anything as many family members have been some sort of addict. I saw their lives go to crap over what they enjoyed and now they are either deceased or in prison and their kids are on a pretty bad path as well.

With that said I have to say that sometimes you have to get outside help, especially if you have thoughts of self harm. A trusted friend, a pastor, a counselor, random people, a partner, someone, anyone.... You also need to potentially be willing to go to a doctor and get some help that way as well. I don't advocate the "a pill for everything and for everything a pill" lifestyle that the drug corporations want you to have. But if you are not sleeping, in constant pain, or dealing with major depression after a loss you deserve a little relief. I have a general bedtime routine that includes taking something to help me sleep and something for pain. Taking that gives my mind a little bit of a reprieve which helps the depression to lessen a little bit. A couple days ago something happened and I felt full of energy, happiness, and contentment. I don't know exactly what happened but it was like a switch flipped and everything is right in the world. I can honestly say I don't really ever remember feeling this good.

So PLEASE look for some outside help. I talked to strangers quite a bit and have found someone I enjoy being with whom I can also talk with about things. With that and the medication I feel like a changed person and hope that it lasts for the rest of my life since I have already spent most of it so far feeling like nothing will go right for me.

Someone who has gone through a major loss will still be dealing with a lot of emotions for years to come. They will also often be lonely and searching for someone to connect with. It's not for everyone and will be a lot of work so please don't fake interest and then drop them as you will do MUCH more harm that way.

If you do have genuine interest then please understand that EVERYONE has some sort of baggage and losing someone you loved dearly is a lot of baggage. However what you gain from that while giving understanding is something you will never experience otherwise. Don't get angry if the name of their loved one who was lost slips out either. It's not done on purpose but shows that they are dealing with their loss and you have likely reminded them of something good that they are missing.

I have personally called my girlfriend my wife's name a couple times on accident and I shake my head and apologize because it's not what I truly meant to say but it's the name my brain reached for in that moment. Sometimes it's hard to deal with but having someone who understands makes things so much easier to deal with.