I find these issues so tiring. Lemmy is a project run by volunteers, usually with specific goals in mind.

While I think that more democratic means of administering instances would be good I also can't really see how to implement them and if someone is volunteering to run a server then criticising the precise way they do it, especially when moderator actions are public, seem a bit rich.

Different servers have different goal, some are trying to be public squares like this one, where more voices are welcome than not even to the detriment of some people. Others are trying to be safe cozy spaces, or friend clubs or whatever and someone just not liking your vibe is a fine reason to pre-emptively close the door in your face.

When someone does so they're not even restricting your ability to see things, and usually not even making an account on their instance. You can literally run a bot to mirror everything over to your own version of a community if you don't like the way they administer theirs. All they are doing is restricting your ability to send messages to their userbase under that particular account. Blahaj is going for a certain vibe, it's not a vibe I want so I'm not their and I don't really use their communities but it's very clearly communicated to the userbase and behaviour like this is done specifically so users that feel vulnerable have a place to be gay with like zero confrontation about the particular way they want to be.

So who cares?

Yeah honestly good riddance to them, that's a fucking bizarre line to draw.

Wow, feels so spiteful. It's them not you.

To be charitable to the other side, perhaps this mod is so burned out on "just asking questions" that a sincere question has become hard to recognize 🤷‍♀️

yeah I blocked that entire instance for being full of those sorts of morons, and I'm gay. I don't have the time or patience for that.

I just wish instance blocks extended to users, would make getting rid of entire swathes of annoying dipshits so much easier. Imagine being able to mass-block every user from lemmygrad.

A man can dream.

PTB

Blahaj is where all the toxic LGBT people gather. Their only arguments are gender related and they somehow do the craziest mental gymnastics to change the subject towards it. If you ignore it or tell them that it's not related, you get called a transphobe. If you have the slightest opinion on gender that isn't 100% everybody should be trans, you're called a transphobe. It can probably be defined as an echo chamber.

Other instances have normal queer and lgbt people.

Hello fellow neurodivergent person. I had to go to the instance to view the comments because reasons.

I do relate to your kinda harsh wording there as I tend to do the same when triggered. I do think that you could call out others being bigoted or overly arrogant "educating" you instead of using strong language. I sympathize as I do the same if I'm not careful but I suggest not to.

In any case I think using they them for a new person is great and if you can't look up their pronouns they might be at fault anyway.

There’s nothing wrong with referring to people with gender neutral pronouns, whether they prefer those or not. Gender neutral is, by definition, the proper way to refer to all humans, no matter who or what they are. I’m not going to go out of my way to look through the post history of a user to find their pronouns. If they aren’t listed in their display name, like Hexbear required, then they are getting the trusty they/them.

Guess being a mod doesn't necessarily mean you can think critically.

Welcome to the club, blahaj runs a tight ship where any dissent results in an instant ban.

Ironically it's not that inclusive of a space

If you're one of their in-group, you can get angry and say whatever you like and get asspats for it, even if they don't agree with your position; if you're one of the out-group, suddenly you're toxic if you ever get upset for any reason. Infinite patience for "our's", no patience for "others". Like circular firing squads on Tumblr, it doesn't matter if you're queer, neurodivergent, etc; what matters is if you're part of the social circle in question.

They sound fundamentally unserious and part of the problem.

“Now I understand that woke folks are playing “ -Killer Mike

PTB.

I think there was a disconnect with what you were trying to express and what others were trying to express. You were specifically talking about using they/them before knowing a person's pronouns, while others were talking about using they/them after being informed.

I also think you were coming off as rather aggressive and dismissive of other people's plight by comparing how difficult you had it in the past.

However, more importantly, you getting banned for that is ridiculous. Even if interpreted in the worst possible way (within reason). You clearly were not intending to be harmful, hateful, spreading misinformation or anything like that. You were just trying to express your perspective.