me_irl

always, but I've felt this way for a long time

tldr dated someone and felt it was serious and after breaking it off I never looked at friendships the same way

but the good thing is that this was a long time ago when I was young so I've focused on myself and ever since my motto has been to live purely for my hobbies and for myself

maybe it's selfish or whatever, I don't really care at this point

but friends are cherry on top, in terms of societal structure your family is supposed to be the people who ideally think of you as a favourite

No, I don't have a favorite person. I assume others don't either.

my wife isn't the hottest woman on the planet to me and im not the hottest guy to her. My brother is real popular and maybe the favorite person of a bunch of folks. I doubt im the top for anything with anyone but you know. Thats fine. I don't need to be anything more than I am.

Nope. In the words of Nina Simone. I go where people love me and I stay there cuz they love me.

Daily.

What really sucks when it happens, but is good because you need to know that's who you chose as friends... Is when you go chill alone and they intentionally avoid you to make sure you are known you are unwanted. People look for people they want around, doesn't matter if you didn't do anything to deserve it, doesn't matter if you have no one, what matters is you understand how alone you really are so you don't think you have people to rely on when all you really have is a bottle of pills. Being alone is something anyone can survive, being abandoned is pretty brutal if you don't already expect it. So, just expect it.

ur

Well, that's a huge strike-against.

Let me rephrase that. That kid-pidgin will earn heckling, and one's reaction to that heckling - admit you're older than 12 and promise to stop, vs really any other response - will determine whether we can be friends. It's such a low bar.

That's called insecurity.

No.