Wasn't it very obvious?
this post was submitted on 25 Jan 2025
87 points (96.8% liked)
Gay: News, Memes and Discussion
1978 readers
314 users here now
Welcome to /c/Gay - Your LGBTQ+ Haven
We're more than just a community; we're your haven for celebrating LGBTQ+ culture and connecting with like-minded individuals.
Community Rules:
~ 1. No bigotry. Hating someone off of their race, culture, creed, sexuality, or identity is not remotely acceptable. Mistakes can happen but do your best to respect others.
~ 2. Keep it civil. Disagreements will happen. That's okay! Just don't let it make you forget that the person you are talking to is also a person.
~ 4. Keep it LGBTQ+ related. This one is kind of a gimme but keep as on topic as possible.
~ 5. Keep posts to a limit. We all love posts but 3-4 in an hour is plenty enough.
~ 6. Try to not repost. Mistakes happen, we get it! But try to not repost anything from within the past 1-2 months.
~ 7. No General AI Art. Posts of simple AI art do not 'inspire jamaharon' and fuck over our artist friends.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I think it was obvious. Genuinely asking everybody that downvoted.. What wrong with the comment? I am actually surprised he was considered straight.
So, when I told my family that I thought I had autism, my brother blurted out "you think?" It was demeaning and it hurt me.
Now imagine instead it wasn't something I didn't know about myself, but rather something I was hiding and felt it was time to open up about. Beyond cruel to be so callous.
This man hid this part of himself away, and didn't tell the world until after he had passed away. He made it his dying wish to show this part of himself. And the reaction is to say it was obvious? Like, the fuck? That's an inside thought, not something you say out loud.
It's not like he's here now reading the comment
You think it's appropriate to make a joke about a man who didn't feel comfortable coming out in his life and decided to do it after he died? Even if it was obvious to you, maybe don't speak ill of the dead
As a gay man I'm not sure how I feel about someone considering this speaking ill of someone, dead or not.
It was, in all honesty, fairly obvious that Paul Reubens was, at the very least, not traditionally masculine and fitting within the very tight mold of traditional heterosexuality. It is sad, and a damning condemnation of our society, that he felt the need to hide that part of himself away until after his death. Part of the reason for that is likely the taunting and ridicule he received, precisely because of his inability to fully integrate into the role of a heterosexual man. But being gay, being fem, being a sissy is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, and speaking about it isn't speaking ill of someone.
I feel bad for Paul Reubens, because he felt the need to hide himself, because so many people believe it's something he should be ashamed of, and I can't help but think how much more amazing this world would be if more people could be openly themselves, as flamboyant or fabulous or not as they naturally are, without anyone thinking that it was speaking ill of them to point it out, or shameful of them for being that way.
I'm not saying it's shameful to point out that he wasn't conforming as a straight man. I'm saying it's shameful to dismiss his coming out because it was obvious. For the exact reasons you're saying here. No one can know your sexuality unless you say it.
When I came out to my family as possibly autistic, I was dismissed in a similar way and it was deeply hurtful.
I understand what you say but I think you are projecting. "It was hurtful to me that they knew before I say it, hence it's hurful for everybody in the same situation". Intent is not in the reaction. Only the reactionee owns the positive or negative take... I don't think op comment came across as mean or with intention to hurt. I can see how someone could TAKE it as offensive given prior experiences BUT that does not mean INTENT. They say we have 3 identities, the one we think we are, the one others thinks we are , and finally the one we actually are.. sometimes other can see what takes us a while to realize. Or they see through what we think we are cleverly hiding.
My perception: I read your reaction as more negative or at least accusatory then dialoguing, compared to the original. I appreciate you explaining but I still award point to op. I won't deduce points to you tough.
P.s. did you turned out to be in the spectrum ? You said "possibly"autistic.
Self-diagnosed, yeah. AuDHD. Not getting the assessment for autism (super expensive and there's basically no benefit for doing so), but am diagnosed ADHD.
I'm more than likely projecting, but the man took this to his grave. It feels disrespectful to be so dismissive of that fact. I won't reply to this thread anymore though, cause I'm definitely too close and not thinking straight about it.
I respect this restrain. Like you said it's seems close to home..but I meant no trolling or disconfort. I appreciate the discussion. I'll award you +1 point. Redeemable at life.