this post was submitted on 16 Jan 2025
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Rant

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My BF Jay hardly ever responds to my texts anymore (we are long distance, sadly). He hardly ever expresses affection for me, and our relationship feels more platonic.

He has a list of people who he's grateful for and people he appreciates, etc. I'm never on there, since he always "forgets". I don't want him to feel obligated to, though, so I've learned to ignore it.

He doesn't mention me to anyone, though I excused it as him being private.

He speaks romantically about other girls but not me, as if I'm just his best friend. Eventually, I found on some posts and on his bio that he's been with two girls he didn't tell me about, while simultaneously dating me.

Now, we are in an open relationship, but the deal was we could only date if either of us knew about it. I did not. He's apparently been with these girls for months.

He broke up with Mae, who he dated without my knowledge, then dated Sara. He talks a little about Sara to me now sometimes, but now he says Sara is just his friend.

Not only did he not tell me about either girl, but he, of course, never mentioned me to them, and proceeded to ask them out as if he was single.

IDK how to feel anymore...

Edit: We talked it out :)

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[–] [email protected] 35 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Sounds like it is time to move on.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 1 week ago
[–] [email protected] 28 points 1 week ago

Tact is a personal weakness of mine, so my apologies in advance if this comes across overly curt or blunt, it is not my intention to be hurtful.

Despite your assertion to the contrary, Jay is not your boyfriend.

[–] [email protected] 19 points 1 week ago (1 children)

If this is causing distress, kick that motherfucker to the curb. He detached a long time ago and you don't deserve to be strung along.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Thank you. Is that considered cheating or??

[–] Today 8 points 1 week ago

Whether it's cheating or not doesn't matter. It's disrespectful and you deserve better.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

I'm polyam, anything outside the boundaries you set with him is cheating. So if he broke those boundaries, he cheated, simple as.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago

If you feel like it's cheating, then it is.

[–] cowfodder 12 points 1 week ago

Ethical non-monogamy only works if everyone involved has ethics. He appears not to.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 1 week ago

Not being happy in a relationship is enough to move on. You don't really owe anything to someone who isn't fulfilling your needs

Of course have a chat about things first if relevant, but it seems like you already have done enough

Realize your self worth, and take care of yourself

[–] [email protected] 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 week ago