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My family is not emotionally open and I get frustrated easily (self.buddhism)

submitted 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago) by cameleon to c/buddhism

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So basically the title, my family is not emotionally open and often cold toward me showing love to them. They never answer to I love yous. I am really into showing love to people I love. I know they love me but they don't show it. I feel always rejected when I show a little love and getting nothing back though I know I shouldn't expect anything back and plus I understand they are emotion-shy so not take it to heart. But in some way it disturbs my Buddhist learning because I don't know if I could handle people not showing compassion if I show them compassion. What's your take on it?

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[–] [email protected] 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

This may sound harsh, but it's a "you" problem. Other people aren't reacting the way you expect them to, and you're disappointed.

We don't get to choose how others behave. Having an expectation of such things is a clear path to disappointment.

I'm not Buddhist (I've read a little), but it seems to me this is a fundamental understanding in Buddhism, isn't it? It's certainly something I've seen in Eastern thinking/philosophy, and embraced in Cognitive Behavioural Psychology.

[–] cameleon 2 points 2 months ago

It's not harsh I know it's a "me" problem but I was asking guidance with this post from other Buddhists

[–] ComradeMiao 4 points 2 months ago

May I ask if they don't speak love do they do acts of love? Showing love through speaking is a very American way of expressing it. In China it is more common for my parents generation to do acts of love such as cooking, cleaning, and treating one to things rather than ever saying I love you. Maybe your family shows their love through actions?

On the other hand, Buddhists and those on the Bodhisattva path are called for a great compassion for all beings. This starts with yourself then your family spreading forever outwards. At its core this compassion is from seeking to develop bodhicitta. Being compassionate to others to help alleviate their suffering. One would never succeed if they expected some external confirmation of this.

This link may be helpful :)

[–] jaggedrobotpubes 1 points 1 month ago

The shitty part about all this stuff is it only helps you work on yourself, it never makes anybody else be the version of themselves you wish they were. It's like "hey! I figured something out! Yayyy stuff will be cool now!" and it is but only inside you, and only if you keep at it.

It seems like it should make them be cool to you. Instead, it throws the way they are in your face and it's your job to be ok even if they're not being cool to you.

The cool part about all this stuff is that, by just working on you being ok, even if they aren't doing what they should, you maximize the chances that they'll come around. And if they don't, you just keep doing the thing that makes you be ok, just like you would if they did.