You might be in danger if they love you. You're definitely in danger if they hate you
this post was submitted on 08 Nov 2024
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The people around you are probably more in danger if they love you than hate you
Fair point, though I would think someone hatefully obsessed with you would target those around me as well
I've dealt with both, though in limited degrees.
The obsessive love angle is much less distressing by itself, since it wasn't prone to violence in my case. But, getting anyone else to give a shit was much harder.
"Oh, she's in love, just tell her to go away" vs "dude, beat his ass and call the cops once you're done".
Which, in all honesty, beating someone's ass and calling the cops can work, as long as you don't go too far, and it's somewhere with witnesses and/or cameras, or on your own property in a state that gives leeway in that situation.
But you can't get away with punching someone that's showing up and leaving love letters filled with their hair on your porch. Or sending you their pubes in the mail. Or even sitting naked on your porch singing unintelligible something. But, once they get to that naked singing part, at least the cops will take them away.
Now, you take the person that sings on your porch at 3 in the morning and tell the story to people, and they'll agree that it's crazy, but the reaction is much different from telling the story about a dude that follows you around and throws literal shit at you. The shit thrower is going to have people wondering why you didn't just beat their ass then. The singer on the porch is going to have people wondering, out loud, why you're upset so much. Mind you, that's also a good way to find out who your real friends are.
Hell, now that I think about it, having both be the same person is worse, even though my direct experience was mild as hell. An ex that was a little batshit while it lasted (maybe a year and a half), that then started calling all the time wanting to get back together, and then started trying to start shit by calling employers and such when the answer was hell no. But she wasn't as crazy as either of the other two.
Mind you, there's also a difference when you change whether the person is male or female, and whether you are. Like, the guy that threw shit at me, with me being a guy, the dynamic is way different than if I were a woman. And the same would be true with the obsessive "love" side of things.
But, yeah, assuming you have a reasonable legal system in place that will enforce stalking laws, obsessive love is easier to handle as long as you're willing to deal with said legal system and the time it takes to make it stick. You get someone with a hate on, you might not even get the chance to do anything, because if it isn't poop thrown at you, it could be a molotov cocktail.
Not that obsessives that think they love you are any less dangerous, they just aren't as likely to start with violence.
Or, I dunno, maybe that's just me and my bias.