ADHD

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Relevant Lemmy communities:

Neurodivergent Life Hacks

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founded 1 year ago

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update on my previous post about breaking up with my possible narcissist partner (self.adhd)

submitted 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) by thespacecowboy to c/adhd

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Hello everyone,

Firstly I would like to thank everyone for their advice and encouragment during this troubled time it really helped me get out a bit of the hole I'm in and made me feel supported thanks a lot really you're all amazing people.

Now, the update. Yesterday I went to her place to talk about the situation she was sleeping but she let me in and actually fell asleep myself, once we both were awake I asked her right away why she was just shutting down from me and walking away, she didn't want to argue or talk at the moment she wasn't aggressive to be completely honest but she didn't say anything either she was being normal with me in front of her family and all but well myself I'm weary still. I proposed her to go out for dinner this Friday, but I'm not sure if that was a smart idea since I think it could be awkward to have a conversation like that while eating so I was thinking afterwards have something to drink and try to have a civilized conversation about everything.

In anycase I already have all your input in case everything falls apart which must likely that's going to be the outcome of this but at least in my head once I have an answer I'm able to rest since I don't have to think if she wants anything serious with me or not and I can finally have my grievance time in peace.

If it is not much to ask, how would you go thru this conversation without being to soft? Like I think I have to impose myself but I struggle to do so since usually when I feel anger I explode and actually I had to go thru anger management so nowadays I cannot even scream at people when I get frustrated which I think is a good thing but also I don't fight back now in fears to harm people.

Thanks once more everyone.

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[–] Rhynoplaz 17 points 2 weeks ago

It's probably never going to be "the right time". Don't keep putting it off.

She doesn't get to tell you how you feel, so if and when she argues with your feelings, do not engage. There is no argument. You don't have to convince her that you deserve to feel that way. Just say how you feel again.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 weeks ago

You should try being assertive, you can look it up, but essentially it's a healthier communication style that emphasizes on facts and feeling. For example, you shouldn't say you don't care for me, instead say you cancelling our date made me feel dismissed.

You can look it up online, essentially it's a middle ground between being passive or aggressive.

Keep in mind that every feeling is valid, and trying to pursuade someone otherwise is the art of gaslighting. Emotional manipulation and gaslighting, are common in a Narcissist's playbook, if you feel you emotions are invalidated don't angry, instead leave it's not worth your time.