this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2024
4 points (64.3% liked)

Relationship Advice

2550 readers
4 users here now

Welcome to the Relationship Advice community on Lemmy and Kbin!

The ideal place to ask for help with your relationships: romantic, friendships, we don't know what we are yet, co-workers or just human interactions in general.

Please make sure you read our rules before posting.

Rules:

Rules can be clicked on to be expanded.

1: Treat all users with respect. [!]

The goal of this community is helping OP and readers, not making fun of them. We are an inclusive community, any sort of disrespect towards ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, etc, will not be tolerated.

2: Mark sexual content as NSFW. [!]

Posts containing mentions or descriptions of sexual topics must be tagged as NSFW. This includes descriptions of sexual acts, requests for advice in the bedroom, explicit descriptions of your body and similar content.

3: All posts must be a request for advice.

All posts must be phrased as a request for advice or as a question. Sharing of stories, personal anecdotes, or past mistakes are only allowed if they're followed by a clear and relevant request for advice with the situation.

4: Provide sufficient and relevant information.

Your title and body need to contain enough information relevant to your situation, such as ages, genders, and the relationship between people mentioned. For privacy-related concerns, we recommend using fake names and broad general locations.

5: Comments must be on topic and relevant to OP.

Comments must be directly related to helping OP, asking for more information, providing relevant resources or otherwise relevant to the thread. Off-topic comments and remarks, suspicious attempts at gathering personal data from OP or other readers, or bullying will not be tolerated.

6: This is a community for requesting advice, not moral judgement.

Moral judgements, "AITA?" and other similar questions are better served by different communities.

Reddit reposts are allowed.

As a temporary measure and the result of a poll, Reddit reposts are allowed following an expanded set of rules: https://lemmy.world/post/317115

How are rules enforced and bans applied?

For the most part, this community operates under the assumption that users are acting in good faith and should be given second-chances for their mistakes. Posts and comments with very light rule violations, or otherwise undesired but mostly harmless content, can be removed by a moderator on a case by case basis without any further punitive actions.

For violations of our rules, we follow a “3 strike” system as follows:

  • 1st violation: 72 hours ban + moderator warning via PMs.

  • 2nd violation: 1 week ~ 1 month ban + final warning via PMs.

  • 3rd violation: 1 month ~ permanent ban.

The goal of this system is making sure users are made aware of their behavior before being permanently banned, but also protecting the community from any rule violations.

Exceptions:

While the “3 strike” system will be applied to the majority of situations, rules marked with a [!] in the sidebar signifies a rule that, if violated in an intentional, malicious or significant way, can warrant an immediate permanent ban regardless of the number of previous violations. This includes severe disrespect to users or groups, dangerous content, and similar.

Related communities:

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 

Has anyone gotten this feeling before? For a long time my life was forced to go in a direction I didn't want it to but I had no choice but to passively accept and deal with where I was being lead. So I think it might be a learnt behavior. I know this isn't a relationship_advice thing but it feels relevant. (Fyi I am not a vulnerable girl being exploited, but perhaps advice applicable to them might help me too)

top 8 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] PP_BOY_ 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Struggle gives you a distraction

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (2 children)
[–] [email protected] 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Being worried about the present keeps the mind from focusing on the deeper stuff, at least for me.

I've self sabotaged many relationships this way. It's kind of similar to functioning better under pressure in my case, and it could be due to a whole host of psychological underpinnings like feeling undeserving or being acclimated to struggle. I feel out of my element when things are going well a lot of the time.

Thanks for coming to my therapy session.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 months ago

And how do you feel about that?

[–] Num10ck 1 points 2 months ago

deeper struggles. crawling out of a car wreck distracts you from your career prospects. your job interview distracts you from your soulmate vacancy. your orgasm distracts you from your housing situation. your home improvement project distracts you from your poisoned food water and air. your organic farming distracts you from your impending fascist takeover. etc etc

[–] [email protected] 4 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Something to do with feeling you don't deserve it.

Just stop it. There is nothing you need to deserve. Enjoy breathing air and watching the sunset.

You have the right to be here and you have the right to be happy even. Don't self hate just because the matrix keeps telling you you are not good enough. You are good enough.

Now venture out into the world as a new person. :)

But one thing. At least for me, how I feel about myself is strongly connected to how I feel I'm treating others. I couldn't be a piece of shit and feel good about myself. Some people can but not me. I have the feeling we are supposed to be good. Sue me. :)

[–] [email protected] 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The times that I've felt like that were the times what I had wasn't really what I wanted. Accepting the situation felt like I wasn't being true to myself.

[–] Num10ck 1 points 2 months ago

forlorn with 'for now's