I am too tired to write much, but I feel you. The phenomenon you're experiencing is internalised homophobia, so it might help you to look a bit into that topic.
https://www.healthline.com/health/what-is-internalized-homophobia
this post was submitted on 21 May 2024
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Ya spot on with that one. Identifying things is easy, actually mitigating them and learning to accept myself - work in progress 🤪 thanks for the link I’ll check it out and make sure you get some rest!
I did feel some shame when I first started to acknowledge my attraction to men, but it subsided on its own. I don't think I felt weak so much as "icky" when I was getting used to the idea (probably from kids at school always using "gay" as an insult). But as I got more used to acknowledging the attraction that went away. Can you describe what it is about being with another man that makes you feel "less than" (no judgment, just what does the irrational voice in your head say)?
What does your wife say? One thing that's been very helpful for me is my wife telling me she thinks it's hot that I'm into guys too, but I know not everyone feels that way.
Ya it’s more ick to be honest. Feeling weak is when I challenge my mind as to why I feel that way. Those are the thoughts/words/feelings that come to mind but they’re all just from childhood bullying and shit both my parents used to say (they said things like “thank god none of my kids turned out gay, I raised them well”. That sort of terrible shit.
I like being dominant with women sexually and submissive with men and I guess the submissive part is where I start to feel ick about myself. My wife’s fully supportive and says she wants me to do whatever makes me happy and she likes that I’m getting off and she gets to have mfm and mmf threesomes which is a big fantasy of hers. Even with her telling me it’s all okay, the ick is coming from inside the house haha.
I gotta dive deeper and really kill the personal double standards cause I don’t have any of these feelings about other gay/bi/pan dudes.
"I like being dominant with women sexually and submissive with men..."
I'm exactly the same.