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Image: Clown applying make up meme.
I'm on a meme creation roll, baby!
Step 5: never open up to a human again
Maybe this is why all my friends have ADHD or ASD
It is true....
Yeah, but if you know what you're doing and your understanding doesn't need to read (which you don't anyway) the other guy and blasts out that loud and confident confirmation that holds that written bit to the solid, your only concern over the whole situation is if they don't match your verbosity in laughter.
This is probably one of the most important things I wish that I could get across to roommates I've had with ASD.
The types of things that they open up to me about is concerning. I've told them that they shouldn't be opening up to people about all the incredibly personal things that they've told me. There are some things you shouldn't tell anyone, unless maybe you're married.
I don't know if they think they can just tell me anything because I've been friendly with them, but they really need to think twice about how many people they're opening up to.
I don't have a problem with knowing, but if they're opening up to me easily them I assume it doesn't take that much to open up to anyone else.
My perspective on that as an autistic adult is that it makes no sense in hiding things. It just seems like things would be a lot easier if everyone was straight forward and truthful. I also have trouble understanding NT social standing/hierarchies, so it's hard for me to grasp why being truthful could affect anyone's social standing unless it's pretty damning info. I know that NTs see it differently, so I really hold on to truthful information until I feel confident with the person, which lately has been taking me about 12 months of frequent interaction to achieve.
However, I've more recently started using a boundaries concept of thinking of people as a sound mixer. Each dial represents a person's reliability on a domain of trust (e.g. finances, secrets, emotional stability, etc.). This has helped me develop a "spectrum" of trust with others. It's a lot of mental work because I have to analyze things more, but looks promising.
This is one of the things that's challenging to deal with. No one is owed an explanation of anything, under most circumstances.
I know that a lot of people are trying really hard to get along, but a lot of the "social hacks" they think they can do to simplify things end up making them incredibly challenging to get along with. That's one of the things that I've tried to get across to roommates with ASD that I've had.
FYI I don't know if I'm autistic and I don't really think I am. I feel like there are exceptions to this. I find that if you are able to find very empathetic and kind people these seem to be more likely to actually try and help than just joke around and hurt you which I feel like happens with the large majority. Of course you have to be lucky enough to find them and get along with them well enough to be friends. But sharing doesn't have to be bad.
Tbh being open mostly works out for me.
There have been some bad situations and there are definitely persons where I am afraid to open up too much and therefore don't do it.
But I like to give people an "Vertrauensvorschuss" (Not sure how to say this in English). Basically I am giving them my trust until they prove not worth it it.
Of course this depends on whether you can afford this or not.
But overall I feel like this improved my relationship with people.