childfree

It’s an ever increasing sentiment, not having children. It’s also why a lot of folks wait later to get married. My ex-wife and I divorced early on (we were 23 and 21 when we married), but the divorce came only a year and a half later. It’s really hard to gauge what you want in your early 20s and it’s not the early 1900s where children were seen as extra hands to till the fields.

My best advice is, if you decide to re-marry at some point, make sure whoever your future partner is established in their mindset. If they are adamantly “childfree” and in their late 20s, it’s probably a mindset that will continue. If there is even a slight doubt, make sure you drill down to a yes/no. Even then, there are no guarantees. But man - I’d be lying if I said I knew exactly what I wanted in life up until I was 29. It’s a difficult conversation for some, like your ex, and they’ll hold out hope that you’ll change your mind even if they don’t vocalize it or say otherwise. But it’s good that you both amicably split early rather than having it manifest into resentment later on.

Big ticket items like that are pretty binary. If you try to squeeze in a .5 between 1 and 0, it’s going to cause problems.

I divorced almost 10 years ago for the exact same reason. Now I'm in my mid-30s with an awesome condo in a location where my ex would never want to live and DINK money. I genuinely loved my ex, but I can't imagine a life where we would both be happy now and still together.

23 years with my wife childfree.

I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but glad things are looking up now. It's unfortunately such a common story, but sometimes people really do change their minds, especially around that age when they're settling into adult life and learning more about themselves and what they want in the future.

Fortunately, it's increasingly socially acceptable and common to be childfree and I'm sure you'll find the right person for you (if you haven't already with the new guy!).

I know this is a few months old but I wanted to share some of my past because we have a lot in common. I was married to a man who, besides being cruel, told me he wanted kids two years in. I got married way too young...

I desperately tried to get sterilized but the military gyno told me (at 24) that I was too young to make that decision and that my husband might want kids, so she wouldn't do it. There's a lot more drama/PTSD involved in the middle, but eventually we had a messy divorce. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I got sterilized, no longer have periods, have an incredible sex life, have more friends, sleep in whenever I want to, and can travel. If I change my mind, I'll foster so I can change a life that already exists. I had endometrial ablation and a bisalp, meaning I still have my uterus and ovaries, so no babies, but also no risk of organ collapse and my ovaries still produce hormones. Life is so much better. I'm really proud of you for sticking up for yourself. You've got this! I'm here if you need a shoulder or to vent.

Howdy!

Glad you are getting to be yourself around your new partner and it sucks that you had to go through the mess with your ex. Even amicable divorces suck.