I think I think differently than most. I have a very active internal monologue but when it comes to visual thought I can very easily overlay my thoughts onto my vision. Almost like a diagram or writing something on something but in my head only. I feel that if I was smarter I would be able to do something with it.
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I'm somewhat similar, but I'm also extremely easily distracted. I can't hold multiple things in my mind for longer than two or three steps ahead. And then anything that comes along to break me out of it and I'm just done. It's super frustrating, especially because I have the kind of mind that bounces different perspectives around all the time. It's like I just want to reach out and grab a thought to think it through thouroughly before I get to the next but... nope
That is very different from me, I can visualize but it breaks down if it gets just a bit complicated. For instance geometry or 3D relations.
But maybe that's not what you mean?
Consider looking into what was formerly called Asperger's. I resonate strongly with what you're saying and recently found out in my 30s, that I'm autistic. I have a good sense of humor and decent social skills so I never even thought to check, but 1) turns out I knew jack shit about what autism actually is, and 2) the ADHD was actually hiding quite a bit of it. If you have questions or want resources feel free to dm me.
Off topic, but this is the best Lemmy comment section I've ever read through: really diverse, mostly civil, super interesting and insightful.
because it keeps me sane and level headed.
It's to ensure the demons are kept away. Though sometimes, one slips by, and that's either an intrusive thought or your true monolog.