this post was submitted on 19 Apr 2024
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Claiming you are someone who doesnt feel sexual attraction and then asking someone to perform fetish activities is actually a very confusing thing for most people. He would be uninformed because its a very obscure situation to be in in the real world.
Yeah, as a kinky asexual myself, it seems like she hasn't been very open in communicating her relationship to kink. Especially when your partner is allosexual, it's so important to explain why you like to participate in kinky activities as an asexual and where your boundaries begin and end.
For allosexual people, sex and kinks have a venn diagram that's basically a circle, and failing to communicate the extent of your interest in kinks as an asexual is just setting the entire relationship up to fail because you're inevitably going to have mismatching expectations from kink play unless you make sure you're both on the same page before you start.
His confusion is completely understandable, as is her identity as a kinky asexual. They just need to talk to each other.
Honestly not even. I’m in a power exchange relationship and yes I find my mistress attractive, but our dynamic is to a scene what marriage is to sex. Yes there’s an implication we do it and all four are connected to us, but also I’m not getting off on being told to get her coffee when I want to stay in bed.
Wait, so you are the lezbian, but you aren't the captain!?
She’s my admiral
Maybe she isn't explaining very well or maybe he is not believing what she says. At any rate, there is definitely communication problems here that need to be worked out ASAP if this relationship has any hope.
I'll admit to being bias, but I have lots of ace friends. Granted I am already part of the queer community and I take your larger point that allo people would have trouble understanding this, but we are less obscure than you might think. There is a lot of shame and stigma around saying "I don't want to have sex", most people take it as an invitation to "fix you".To speak nothing of the boundary trouble allo/ace relationships have. I don't know you, but I'd bet hard cash money that someone in your life is shades of ace.