this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2024
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Do you think telling fat people a) they're fat and b) being fat is unhealthy actually results in any positive behavior changes?
I would not tell them that they are "fat". In real life I would probably hint that they are actually an attractive person who got too overweight, and that they need to work on improving their health. Generally, to call an overweight person "fat" is rude, and unproductive. My goal would be to motivate said person to do things to get healthier, not bark at them like a moron because I think that they are overweight.
Out of actual curiosity about something that has been rolling around in my brain for years, do you think that fat people don't know they are fat?
No, that's why I said it's unproductive to call them fat. They most likely understand that they are overweight, so why should I use a word that might be hurtful?
I'm not socially inept. For some people I might not even say a thing, for others I may see a benefit in reminding them to do things like not forgetting to exercise etc. It depends on the person and the circumstance. The point is to be helpful, not to point out other people's flaws because I just noticed them.
Does that make sense?
It does, and I get where you're coming from. My concern is that it's very difficult to tell who might need a push and who might be destroyed by it. I know that at least personally, I come off like a person who might need to be reminded, but if someone said anything, I would be nice about the criticism to their face, but then would go home, binge eat uncontrollably and then would avoid seeing that person again and would basically never eat around them again.
But, as you say, you're not socially inept, so if you are careful, I'm sure it would be fine. Something that might be helpful for you is to separate beauty from health. You can't be fat and healthy, but you can be fat and beautiful. Beauty is subjective, and if people choose to look a certain way at the expense of their health, it's their right to choose that. A majority of people may prefer to have a partner with a low bmi, but not all. Health, on the other hand, is objective. We can statistically show that having a bmi in the range of 20-22 is the least likely to cause disease (I might be off by a number, but I don't have the info in front of me atm).
I know that for me, someone being concerned about my health and my longevity would come across as kind. Relating it to beauty would come across as cruel.
Thank you for an insightful comment.
Although it's an anecdote from yourself, I will still keep that in mind.
So you'd passively aggressively let them know you don't find them attractive and you think that'll somehow motivate them to be healthier? Is this something you've actually tried? How do people respond to you "hinting" that you think they're too fat?
I can tell you how I responded to someone doing that
I started walking more, tracking calories, and I'm working towards losing weight. I want to be a healthier, better person
Can you describe how they hinted to you?
I never said anyone should be passive aggressive, or that they must make their interaction with an overweight person about themselves. I'm not sure how you made this interpretation based on what I said.
How do you hint to someone you think they're too overweight without it being passive-aggressive?
The point isn't to tell said person that they are overweight, but to push them to self-improvement. In some cases you don't have to mention that said person is being overweight at all. But if it benefits the person to be reminded, then it can be done in a good faith manner. It matters what your intention is.