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What is a gender neutral replacement for man, guys, buddy, etc? (lemmy.ca)

submitted 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) by [email protected] to c/[email protected]

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So I've realized that in conversations I'll use traditional terms for men as general terms for all genders, both singularly and for groups. I always mean it well, but I've been thinking that it's not as inclusive to women/trans people.

For example I would say:

"What's up guys?" "How's it going man?" "Good job, my dude!” etc.

Replacing these terms with person, people, etc sounds awkward. Y'all works but sounds very southern US (nowhere near where I am located) so it sounds out of place.

So what are some better options?

Edit: thanks for all the answers peoples, I appreciate the honest ones and some of the funny ones.

The simplest approach is to just drop the usage of guys, man, etc. Folks for groups and mate for singular appeal to me when I do want to add one in between friends.

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[–] [email protected] 43 points 8 months ago (4 children)

I’m AFAB enby, saying “you guys” and calling me “dude” is fine. Those to me aren’t gendered anymore. The people who get offended at general terms like these for groups of people need to touch grass.

But if you’re dead set on it, embrace y’all lol. Just don’t say it with a southern drawl and you’ll be fine. It’s a fantastic gender neutral term. You can also just train yourself not to add in the “you guys” to the “what’s up” phrase, and maybe just say “what’s up with you?” “What’s up with you all?” Etc.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 8 months ago (1 children)

"Offended" is a bit of a strong word.

Many trans folks are, understandably, bummed out when gendered terms that refer to their AGAB are used to refer to them.

I don't think there's anything wrong with trying to avoid causing that brief moment of dysphoria. That just feels like a thoughtful and kind thing to do.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 8 months ago (2 children)

It’s good that OP means well, but also there are so many of us who do not care and are not affected because we know the speaker is using a generalized term and isn’t (usually) being malicious with it. I call several of my cisgender girl friends “dude” and “bro” and I’ll call men “girl” as a joke sometimes (like, girl what are you doing?). Many of these terms simply have completely lost their original gendered meaning in a lot of contexts.

[–] Witchfire 12 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago) (1 children)

I'm also on Team "these words have lost their meaning" but often feel opposite to OP's intent

When people go out of their way to force inclusive language to a degree that feels unnatural, and especially when I'm the only trans person in the room, it feels like I'm being singled out for my identity. It's extra uncomfortable when they make (often incorrect) assumptions about my body while doing so.

That said, I will also never fault someone for trying to be inclusive, and ofc always respect other people's preferences.

[–] [email protected] 5 points 8 months ago

Good point dude

[–] [email protected] 9 points 8 months ago

That's great, and it's nice that you don't have to deal with that jolt of dysphoria in those situations.

I'm simply saying that it's also common (and okay) to not be entirely comfortable with those terms. Especially from strangers or acquaintances.

I don't think seeking to reduce the linguistic pattern of male as the default is a misguided effort.

[–] [email protected] 7 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Yeah I agree, bro, but I wouldn't use guys or dudes on old ladies

[–] [email protected] -1 points 8 months ago

Well no lol you gotta read the room sometimes 😅

[–] cmbabul 7 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

No southern drawl? Y’all is like our one positive contribution don’t take it away from those of us who ain’t bigots

[–] [email protected] 6 points 8 months ago

You can also just train yourself not to add in the “you guys” to the “what’s up” phrase, and maybe just say “what’s up with you?” “What’s up with you all?” Etc.

This is likely the best solution, but also a hard one. Thanks for the perspective though.