this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2024
587 points (95.6% liked)
me_irl
4791 readers
11 users here now
All posts need to have the same title: me_irl it is allowed to use an emoji instead of the underscore _
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
He'll be fine and her offers will dry up if she keeps treating others like that. Chin up, buddy.
I mean, why waste his time
A rude or nice no is still no
Maybe we should think about what societal factors created such anxiety around turning people down
Like, I don’t know, the patriarchy
Plus there's the possibility that the screenshot was trying to ask advice from a friend about how to say no. If there was a complete disregard for his feelings the response could've just been "lol no" or something equally dismissive.
That's how I'm reading it. Wasn't really anything mean, just really really unfortunate.
Seriously. Like even when not feeling threatened, turning people down is awkward. I have a perfect excuse and I’m still embarrassed and awkward about it. And if you like them in a friendly way there’s a fine needle to thread of trying to communicate a sincere desire for platonic friendship.
I get asking people out leaves you vulnerable, I know it all too well. But being asked out also leaves you vulnerable, which I also know all too well. And while some people learn this skill young and quickly, many don’t.
I think it’s pretty standard society wise to start polite or “nice” and then move to rude. At the very least reciprocating the energy received which doesn’t strike me as rude. You can be polite and brief if that is desired.
Are you saying it's okay to hold this one dude responsible for all of the "patriarchy"? Lol.
what do you mean by "holding him responsible" in this context
I don’t think they are. I think they’re saying that the patriarchy is to blame for the awkwardness around rejection, and therefore the cause of the blunder. As in like, the boy was collateral damage.
Exactly. They were insinuating that the person turned this guy down awkwardly and disrespectfully because of the "patriarchy", whatever that means. The person being turned down was mistreated because of the other person's misconceptions and preconceptions. Theres another term for that, but you can only lead a horse to water.
Alternatively, a simpler explanation is that the person who sent the text is just a douche bag, and didn't care about this person's feelings and wasn't brave enough to let them know three or more unwanted advances prior.