ADHD memes

my conscious process to the rest of my brain:
Alright you little shit, ONE of those is going to happen and I'll even let you choose, but if you don't then I'm putting you down.

somehow i managed to nail down a technique that nearly guarantees sleep.

however, it took a lot of training and radical acceptance.

I count. not sheep. just numbers. and if I move, if i twitch, if intrusive thoughts appear, eventually I will remember that I was trying to count, and I will inwardly sigh and start over, because FUCK YOU, BRAIN. FUCK YOU. FUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOUFUCKYOU YOU FUCKED AROUND AND NOW WE GET TO FIND OUT TOGETHER - YOU WERE GOING TO FORCE ME TO SUFFER ALREADY ANYWAY, SO I SHALL CHOOSE THE MANNER OF SUFFERING AND I CHOOSE THIS

so anyway what happens is I usually start to experience discontinuities of awareness around count 300 or so. This is because without new information, the inputs from all my sensory systems start to blur sort of the way your vision gets fuzzy and gray if you stare at the exact same spot for too long: nothing new to process, process halts.

bear in mind I am not telling myself to stop thinking. I am thinking. I am thinking about the next number. sometimes other thoughts pop in, and that's okay actually because all it means is that we're starting the count over. it's not like we were going to be doing anything else.

Unless there actually IS something specific that you actually WANT to do, Brain...? Is that what you're telling me? BECAUSE YOU WILL FUCKING DO IT. It's either that or we continue counting. Next number.

sounds exhausting?

yeah that's the point that's how sleep works you get exhausted and then you fall asleep