this post was submitted on 09 Feb 2024
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[Outdated, please look at pinned post] Casual Conversation
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Good question and maybe kind of brave to ask. Regardless, props for asking a very human, deeper question.
I don't have this figured out, but below are some of the things that help me. Many are free, or close.
Meditations. I used guided for a while and now if I know I need to slow down, I'll pause and meditate for a minute or so. It took a while to build the quicker slowdown, but it's often available to me.
Stoic philosophy. This isn't stoicism in the classic sense. It's about learning what matters, what you can control, and learning that that's just about all you can do. Extrernal validations are nice, but can't be expected or relied upon. Sometimes life sucks, but we can change our internal climate (with practice).
Within philosophical stoicism, I think The Subtle Art of not giving a Fuck helped. It may not be seen as stoic philosophy, but it's a layman's guy to that very idea. Helpful.
YouTube channels : Mark Manson & Daily Stoic
Other meditations that helped were things like Tara Brach. Kinda woo at times, but her voice and tone slow things down for me and the messages are often relatable. I'm not into manifestations or all that, but an easy, slow, modulated voice gets me. Especially if the message is about self forgiveness.
My wife. So much that. She's mine and I'm not sharing. But the idea remains. If you have someone supportive, who you also support, it helps.
Strangely, reading the Nauceous Nocturne within the Essential Calvin and Hobbies. I kid you not. Calvin's in the dark and all these monsters, events and catastrophes emerge in horrible, amusing, cartoonish form. Then? By simply existing and being noticed by a monster, Hobbes scares away the fears. Find a Hobbes. Be a Hobbes. The monsters are often in our head.
Support others. It gets us out of our circles and we see other (sometime worse) life events and we see people endure. Help them endure. Be kind.
Nest egg. If possible, having some amount of back up money in the bank that is there for major life events, even if it's not enough... It helps. Financial exposure and concern was one of my biggest - no, Is one of my biggest triggers.
Therapy. Did that for a while, got to a better place with CBT and such. Then if I see erosion, I do the above things and if I think I'm losing ground, or that it's time to gain more, I go back to my therapist for a few months of every other week sessions.
Journaling. I don't do it often, but it can help slow thoughts, reveal them, and upon rereading show us where we can or could turn the conversation we're having with oursleves. I see some of my anxiety as self abuse, so I'm trying to learn to be kinder with myself. I'm already, usually, kind (but firm) with others. I just hold myself to these standards that... They're lofty. I'm a person, too, so I have to give myself permission to be less than perfect.
I'm still learning. I think we all are. Hopefully something in here helps. Am open to dialogue here or otherwise. Regardless, anxiety sucks and I hope you find what works for you, chips away at it, and find a steadier emotional life. That roller coaster isn't fun.
Edit: Walks also help. More so if nature is involved.