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You're just a kid, how would you know what you want for the rest of your life? (lemmy.world)

submitted 9 months ago by Custoslibera to c/[email protected]

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[–] [email protected] 50 points 9 months ago (6 children)

At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life? You will never have an answer to that in any capacity, and not just in marriage. You evolve as a person, you'll never have a fixed desire for your whole life. And that's the great thing about marriage and relationships, they also evolve. And it's about who you want to try doing that with

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago

You evolve all the time, but you might have some desires that are fixed for your whole life and you might realize it before you're an adult.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 9 months ago (1 children)

I feel like it might come from the fact most relationships are pretty short before you are 24. Few people hold onto long lasting relationships by that age and few (at the time) short ones develop into anything reliable.

A former classmate of mine met a guy and got married after knowing him almost a year, like right out of highschool. Last I heard of her they went through a messy divorce couple of years later, which we all saw coming and tried telling her about.

[–] [email protected] 6 points 9 months ago (1 children)

That sounds more like an issue with that person not being open/receptive to her peers advice. And I think this is true for many people beyond the age of 24 as well

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago

Wow, well said!

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

At what age are you supposed to know what you want for the rest of your life?

Maybe around the year that the brain finishes developing, which can vary from person to person but is typically around the mid 20s.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

I see/hear about marriages started at 30+ 40+ 50+ all the time that fail. I see people pivot careers and industries in the middle years of their life. People tastes change all the time as they get older. Let's not pretend that when your brain finishes developing you suddenly have life figured out/know exactly what you want

I generally agree that getting married before 24 is a pretty risky move and you have to have thought it through very carefully, but the argument that "you don't know what you want for the rest of your life" is not the reason why that is. It relates more to life experience/emotional capability/massive foresight. Marriage is more than just "wanting something for the rest of your life", it's a commitment, it's not just some eternal desire you may/may not have

[–] Fades 2 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

Nobody said if you marry after 30 it’s a slams dunk you fucking nonce.

Your argument is seriously who cares about the brain developing or pivotal and even just other life experiences in general have yet to happen -/ because people at every age change jobs and divorce and remarry so it doesn’t matter!

What the fuck kind of logic is that?? It’s supposed to be about limiting unnecessary pain and loss that results for uninformed expectations not eliminating all divorce ever. For fucks sake lmao

Jesus Christ, believe what you want. You’ll learn soon enough

[–] [email protected] 1 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago)

Yeah I do believe what I want and I'm in a happy marriage thanks! Cheers. I never said to divorce all the time but you're not really reading properly

[–] Fades 1 points 9 months ago (1 children)

The crux of it is at 24 you are still very much closer to being a child still fresh out of school, vs 30+ you’ve been in the workforce and you’re more accustomed to adult life, and as a result you have continued to change and shift.

Your brain doesn’t even finish developing for fucks sake

https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

These days, a consensus of neuroscientists agree that brain development likely persists until at least the mid-20s – possibly until the 30s.

[–] JigglySackles 1 points 9 months ago

Not being finished developing doesn't necessitate the inability to make good decisions though. You can still make good decisions and lasting life choices as you go without being finished changing and developing.