this post was submitted on 11 Jan 2024
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ADHD

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It took ~5 minutes and there was ZERO pain.

I even anticipated this. There was no reason to think it would be hard in any kind of way.

Why am I like this?? Why is my brain such mush when it comes to my executive functioning while several other parts of my mental being are more than fine or even slightly supercharged (when I'm not depressed or out of mania)

The kicker? The appointment isn't for a doctor or a dentist or something else that would be "normal" to dread.

It's an appointment to pick up a brand new company car. A 2023 Mercedes EQA to the tune of 50K€. Most people would JUMP at that kind of opportunity, but not me. No, I sit there contemplating whether I even deserve a car that costs twice my annual salary, and that I'm just deluding myself into thinking I'm a valued part of society, that someone will realize they made a mistake and such a car was never meant for me (or "anyone like me").

This after a double dose of 15mg ritalin, by the way. Without it I would never have been able to push myself over that limit to begin with.

Fuckin' a...

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[–] Tangent5280 7 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Bro please take care of yourself, take it from someone who knows. Without the external pressures of a regular office schedule, it is very likely you'll eventually crumble under the decision anxiety or the myriad other sister-concerns of it.

I wish I knew what the fix for this was, but I dont. Dm me if you'd like to talk.

[–] ExtraMedicated 5 points 10 months ago

I'm not quite as bad as I think I made it sound, but it's a noticable increase in lazyness for sure.