Asklemmy

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[serious] What are your most important boundaries you've learned to enforce? (self.asklemmy)

submitted 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) by cheese_greater to c/[email protected]

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Nobody tells me what I'm going to do or where I will be going and when that happens

I am open to invitations or requests or suggestions where my involvement is desired or ostensibly necesary for somone else. But I will never respond to this as a statement of fact or in the form of a threat

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[–] [email protected] 33 points 10 months ago (2 children)

If you are a giving person, you have to put a limit on how much you can give. Takers have no limit.

I have to remember to look out for myself because even though I'm trying to look out for a lot of people I care about, no one is looking out for me.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 10 months ago (2 children)

In my experience it's not so much about putting a limit as it is about avoiding takers and finding other givers. But one has to be careful not to be used. :)

[–] [email protected] 4 points 10 months ago (2 children)

I find it’s important to allow yourself to be vulnerable to a moderate degree, to give people the chance to expose themselves as a giver or taker.

[–] cheese_greater 2 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

I feel like you might want to make sure you have all your bases covered and that you're not setting yourself up for desperation/exploitation. Its so important with other people where this is suspected, to fail and fail quickly and and as harmlessly as possible.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 10 months ago

Letting a taker take even once just teaches them they can take and move on to the next victim. People need to prove themselves as trustworthy before giving them anything. Offer them something relatively small like buying lunch. If they don't hesitate to take it then they're takers. Someone who won't refuse at least twice has no qualms about taking for nothing. But I just don't associate with people enough to allow them the chance to even try.

[–] cheese_greater 2 points 10 months ago

I feel like its still a useful exercise/practice to be able to reinforce one's limits and contingencies on a regular basis with those they are circumstance-bound to be close to or work with so they are able to do that universally and at all times

[–] cheese_greater 1 points 10 months ago

Can you share an anecdote about a recent triggering situation wherw you identified this at play?