this post was submitted on 28 Nov 2023
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Rubber ducking, not just for programmers. Listen, acknowledge what you're hearing, ask open ended questions (not leading), and learn from and about their experience. You'll grow closer and both people can gain a lot from it.
Interesting. How is that?
If you are asking what rubber ducking is, it's the practice of explaining your issues to a toy as if it were a coworker. Explaining your issues to a coworker forces you to organise your thoughts and problems so that wherever you tell makes sense, and a lot of times the act of organising pushes you to vetch the fault in your logic, or the issue that needs fixing, the missing part...
Except...
ADHD Storytelling
I feel bad for my rubber ducky. It still helps though! The number of support/bug report emails that never get sent because I figured it out from the same thought process is not 0. I read this once, but talking/thinking about the problem, just the problem, for 5+ minutes before trying to come up with solutions can be really helpful.
I see. Do you like rubber ducking?
Not really, I just info dump my partner on my coffee break and since she's not a dev, the process of simplifying the issue so she somewhat understands and shortening it so she doesn't get too bored is helpful enough.
And how does that make you feel?
I didn’t realize that I do this to machine operators at work when their machine is broken, thanks for this!
Explaining something as complicated as “Why Your Machine is Fucked and Now You Have to Sweep” to someone lacking the decade of training and experience I have is like a compulsion sometimes.
I don't think it's fair to expect your significant other to act as an inanimate object and receive your frustrations without reacting like they normally would. It's great if you have that kind of relationship, but forcing it is not ok.
You are not supposed to be an inanimate object. You're supposed to listen, acknowledge, talk about the topic at hands. Empathize, ask questions to better understand the problem. Show interest in your significant other, show them you care about what is upsetting them.
Sometimes people get stuck on the "have you tried the most basic and simplest answer?" questions and it's frustrating as hell. You can just ask "wanna brainstorm about it?", at least you're setting the mood in the right direction.
Also known as being a good listener. Ideally it goes back and forth, too. But there's a time and a place for everyone to take on the listener/encourager role.