this post was submitted on 25 Nov 2023
19 points (95.2% liked)
Melbourne
1843 readers
76 users here now
This community is a place created for the people of Melbourne and Victoria. We are a positive, welcoming and inclusive community. We might not agree about everything, but we always strive to stay civil and respectful.
The focus of our discussions is based around things that effect Victoria, but we are also free to discuss our local perspective on wider issues. Or head to the regular Daily Random Discussion thread to talk about anything.
Ongoing discussions, FAQs & Resources (still under construction)
Adoption Certificate for Nellie, the Daily Thread numbat (with thanks to @Catfish)
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
view the rest of the comments
Word vomit ahead:
I had the best day yesterday in a long long time. Met with a friend for some dranks and she's a very close friend. I did have a crush on her about two years back (maybe I still do) but I'm not about to go tell her that now am I?
Anyway, she was pouring out about her life and how she wants to get married by 28 and have 2 kids blah blah and was talking about her ex and their issues (which I won't go into). Then she was talking about this mutual friend of theirs, how he ticks a lot of boxes for her but she felt weird after their interactions (all platonic). She gave me a few examples of certain situations that put her off but she wasn't able to reconcile why. I put my analytical hat on and laid out stuff the way I saw it and she was genuinely surprised by what she had missed.
Anyway, she then said it must be nice being me cuz I'm so happy and have a good job etc etc. Which is obviously not true and I told her as much, I just don't talk about it as much because I'm a very private person. We then spoke about me and I told her a few things about me. A lot of it was self doubt. Starting with my biggest issue - not having a wide enough friend circle. I felt that I didn't have the conversational skills, maybe I was boring, something about me that puts people off idk?? And she reassured me that I just haven't found my people yet. That she loved hanging out with me and that's a testament to this. She generally doesn't hang out with guys 1:1 but she felt comfortable and safe with me. Anyway, I felt great after the chat as I really needed to get it out of me. She got a bit touchy touchy towards the end but I think she was quite tipsy.
I think I like her but we have very different priorities in life. She wants to get married soon, and while I'm not completely opposed to that, it might be a bit early for me. She wants two kids and I'm borderline no kids / 1 maybe. Also she needs to get married to a Christian cuz family pressure (which I'm not). Also sucks that she's exactly my type ๐ฉ. Oh well.
Thanks for listening to my word vomit.
Well, even if either of you don't persue each other sounds like a solid friendship to me :)
Exactly, and I'm grateful for that
I have found that having different interests and to some extent different priorities is not the obstacle that society thinks it is.
Compromise, respect and good will is most important. Usually a good partnership will nurture each person in their growth, interests and aims.
Miss Seagoon learnt this the hard way, her 1st husband actively discouraged her career and interests to the point where discouragement wasn't enough to stop her, he started abusing her. He just had no interest in an equal partnership or her as a person.
What I'm saying is. If it feels very right then pursue it. This good feeling rare. You can sort out the rest later.
That's the thing though. I do want to pursue it but it wouldn't be fair to either of us. She wants to get married soon, I don't. She wants kids, I'm a maybe. And the biggest one is she needs to marry a Christian.
The religion thing can sometimes work out, but kids is utterly non negotiable. Somebody will end up miserable and resentful. Until you can absolutely say which side of the fence you fall on, something serious cannot be on the table.
Yup and I mentioned it in passing. Which is why I think it's not worth pursuing this. ๐ฉ
I suggest talking about it with her.
Family pressure will evaporate when they see how happy she is. :)